I’m frankly at a loss for words when I try to describe the trailer for Uwe Boll’s Far Cry hosted over at Twitch.
Every time I try to string words together into clauses and sentences my right and left brains are split by the sword of Til Schweiger’s sleepwalking un-charismatic presence. When I look into Udo Kier’s eyes I see only a machine that calculates dollars per screen second; he might as well replace his retinas with those scrolling counters you used to see on gasoline pumps and treadmills. Kier knows he’s sunk lower than Klaus Kinski licking the taint of a passed out 280lb Tangier harlot with three hungry children mewling in the adjoining room. It’s in every line reading.
I get all that and still I managed to find the first thirty seconds entertaining, and then all the explosions started. It’s like Boll invited the cast and crew to an island for the weekend, loaded ’em up on Everclear and Bartles & James coolers then rolled cameras as they beat the shit out of each other.
I also had to wonder if Til Schweiger has a Kevin James-shaped real doll strapped to his back at the 0:56 mark.
But at least there’s….DON DAVIS!
It’s enough to make you forget about the wait until May 22.
23 comments
Right, so why are they using the Batman Begins score in the opening of the trailer?
I've avoided Boll's films since his Matrix zombie film and will continue to avoid them, but this skills do seem to be improving.
This was the least eye roll inducing trailer I've seen from him yet.
Is there a constitutional way to enact a law preventing certain people from making movies? It might be worth looking into.
Another feather in Dr. Boll's cap!
I hope that's not a slur on Kinski's acting abilities. The man was a human dynamo. Genius.
HA HA HA, his fat friend faked kung-fu! I want to see it, it looks good with explosions and fat friend faking kung-fu!!
although this looks hilariously shitty, his new movie "tunnel rats" looked…passable? Why do i feel like I'm going to pay the piper on what i just said…..
I liked this movie the first time I saw it. When it was called "Citizen Kane".
Isn't the girl in the movie the same woman that plays the Deputy on the show Eureka?
Explosions, guns, imbecilic "humor" and nu-metal… not good! For any of this is more than enough to attract the teendiots that made "Meet the Spartans" a success. There actually is a danger that this will make money. Damn.
"There actually is a danger that this will make money"
Bad news, most of Dr. Boll's films have made money. It's why he keeps making them…
Holy shit, it's Major Briggs from Twin Peaks! I can't believe this guy hadn't cast an alumni from this show already. I'd have expected Kyle MacLachlan or Sherilyn Fenn or Ray Wise to have been wasted by Dr. Boll already.
my favorite part is the title card/credits listing where "A Uwe Boll Film" is in bgger font than "Far Cry". Ass-shattering!
Is Dr. Forrester funding this guy?
What do you mean his movies make money. They make a few million tops, that has to be significantly less than the cost to put it in theaters and especially US advertising.
Loved the game. But this seems to get things wrong -this doesn't seem to be an extremely tropical setting.
Show me a good video game film adaptation and I'll eat my hat. That being said, where art Max Payne, the most marketable of all these properties?
Give the guy a break … if you don't like his movies, don't watch them! Hell, like you could do better?
I have enjoyed almost every one of his movies (with the exception being Alone in the Dark) … what is wrong with making B-Movies? Some of the classics today were B-Movies back then.
There was nothing in this trailer that is not in EVERY action-flick trailer (good or bad) … so why are you harping on his?
Elitists annoy.
"Elitists annoy."
Dr. Boll?
Nope, but I figured someone would ask that.
I just don't see anything wrong with movies made for entertainment's sake … and no one (to my knowledge) has ever held a gun to anyones head and made them watch a Boll flick.
And the constant knock on him gaining his inspiration from video games … would people prefer a remake, or maybe an Asian remake, or perhaps some more torture-porn?
No, they ain't high art … but as I have said, the ones I saw were enjoyable enough to me.
It just gets old hearing people bagging on him all the time … like he is doing it as a personal affront to them.
There are FAR worse movies out there than his, and many of them with even less production values.
"Kevin James-shaped real doll" was my nickname in high school.
Til Schweiger needs a Stellan Skarsgaard around at all times to keep him in check.
Let me see…
Indiana Jones or Far Cry?
I can already see the bewildered crowds at the box office trying to decide.
I don't know who has the thankless job of assembling trailers for Boll's diasters but I have to offer props. The trailer is merely bad. If you watch it without sound, it's epically terrible. Never before has so much milage been gotten out of that overused Crystal Method track.
I love the 20 second excerpt of the Usual Suspects soundtrack just as the cop says "Don't you think it's a little far-fetched…" through the boat explosion. It's like the editor was desperately trying to evoke memories of better scenes.
Udo Keir doesn't just look like he's collecting a paycheck. It's worse than that. It looks like he also doesn't understand what the fuck he's doing there, or what's going on around him.
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