I’ve got a piece of news here about which I am absolutely ecstatic. I’ve been up since 6 and have been stumbling through the day in a haze, but this news cleared that right up. I’m suddenly perfectly alert, and it’s because Universal made a deal with Hasbro to make movies out of random Hasbro properties (excepting G.I. Joe and Transformers, of course). Universal has committed to making at least four features based on famous Hasbro brands in the next six years.
After thinking this through for a few minutes, I find myself unable to discover why I’m so pumped about this. Maybe it’s because this news means Ridley Scott’s Monopoly film will probably move forward. Or maybe it’s just the thought of an object like a fucking Ouija board being adapted into a movie.
The announcement came with a list of possible adaptations: Monopoly (there it is!), Candy Land, Stretch Armstrong, Magic, The Gathering (for those unaware, this is a trading card game), Ouija (Ouija!). Also on the list is Clue, which I believe is the only board game that has so far been adapted into a film. And for the record, I’m not so excited about the prospect of another Clue movie; I doubt a new film could match the awesome mayhem of the old one.
It’s pretty easy to come up with premises for most of these (assuming they would be live-action), and some of them would just be rip-offs of preexisting works. For example, Candy Land is Alice in Wonderland (or a live-action version of this), Stretch Armstrong is a Mr. Fantastic spin-off and Ouija is Witchboard.
Magic is pretty easy as well, because there are 28 storylines listed on the Wizards of the Coast website that could be adapted. And Clue would obviously be rather simple, too, because they already have a movie off which they can work.
I guess it makes perfect sense, then, that the brand on the list that is the weirdest candidate for an adaptation, Monopoly, would be the only one to actually have some movement. Of course, Scott has about a half dozen other projects he wants to do before he, you know, dies (he’s 70). So like Blood Meridian, this one might be in stasis for a while. Or forever.
The announcement said they’re planning to release one film a year beginning in 2010. I leave you with this quote from Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner:
“Today’s Hasbro is so much more than a traditional toy and game company, and this partnership is a powerful example of how we are offering our consumers new ways to enjoy unique and immersive experience with our brands.”
17 comments
I'd pay $12 to see a thimble and a car battle over colour coded real estate for two hours.
Stay strong thimble, you'll be outta that cell in no time!
I'd pay double that to see another hilarious owen bashing talkback.
Actually, my vote is for HeroQuest and Fireball Island, but that ages me. At this point I could go on about how Hasbro ruined the American board game industry and stifled creativity with its monopolistic practices, how it is the Microsoft of the toy world, but no one would care. I just hope Candyland hits theaters with an R rating… then I'll think about seeing it.
I want to see Clue II, where Tim Curry wins.
Or maybe adapt card games. Start at Strip Poker.
I'm coming to get you Phil.
O_O Your last news post was pretty good and then this one just shit on it. Anyways, I could go for some boardgame movies. Clue II would be badass. I'm ashamed to say it, but it's true.
But which Monopoly piece will Russell Crowe play?
This really is as bad as everyone says. Do you have a dissociative disorder, Owen? I'm just trying to account for your sense of humor. It's terrible. Your writing is terrible, too. You suck. You ought to quit. But you know what? Nunziata is a terrible writer too. And his sense of humor is probably worse than yours. See that quote by Mussolini on the front page, up top? I don't know if Nick did that, but it's something Nick would do. It's middle school funny, at best. No one over 13 should find that in the least clever. But Nunziata in all his wisdom revamps his website and makes that lame 'joke' the first thing one sees. Brilliant!
But really none of these people can write, Owen. So you shouldn't feel too bad. Faraci, besides the dealbreakers of being both unfunny and unwise, is still prone to amateur mistakes (singular nouns magically becoming plural pronouns). Beaks is so bad it's not even worth going into. The Pep Boys gig was more in his line.
abu dhabi bobby, I've been following this sites for 6 years because of Nick's reviews and humour. This isn't the only movie review website on the internet… what's keeping you here?
It wouldn't be CHUD without a Hollow Man reference or a tasteless joke about The Accused in every other article. That's what keeps me coming back. However I agree that these new writers are even rougher around their metaphorical edges (and other places I'm sure).
They already made a movie about Ouija. It was called "Witchboard". Oh, and Walter, don't feel bad: I remember Fireball Island, too!
Does this make less sense than Pirates of the Caribbean? Cast Johnny Depp as Rich Uncle Pennybags, and you've got a 50/50 shot at success.
abu dhabi bobby: wtf are you, a website critic? I hope you get paid by the word, and gonorrhea.
WHO WOULD'NT BE EXCITED ABOUT OWEN BEING HIT BY A BUS!
I wanna see Hungry Hungry Hippos – basically a snuff film showing people getting devoured by Hippos.
CLUE II. No CURRY, NO FILM!
Seriously. HEROQUEST might be okay, but the only real candidate here is CLUE II. And we do need Colleen Camp back as the waitress. Shame Madeleine Kahn is dead, because she was awesome in that flick, and definitely needed for the sequel.
But to reiterate: NO CURRY, NO SEQUEL!!! That is all.
*Censored" has failed at the game of "Life".I wish he would DROP DEAD! [Ha! Ha! Get it? I made a funny! Try it *censored*! It's easy!]
Comments are shown as archived from the original site; new comments are closed.