"hermione, if you don't make these goddam brownies like the half-prince says in this book, ron will hit you with his fiesta ware bowl full of circus peanuts, and you KNOW he don't play"

"We're characters in some crappy fantasy hokum for children. Look what I found in Chapters."

The rain…is Spain…falls mainly…in the PLAIN.

See, according to Kama Sutra, what Ron suggest would be possible Hermione.

Depression sets in when the actors realize that the books ARE better.

Pus consists of a thin, protein-rich fluid, known as liquor puris, and dead cells, which are part of the body's innate immune response. Neutrophils are produced in the bone marrow and released into the blood. When the need to fight infection arises, they move to the site of infection by a process known as chemotaxis, usually triggered by cytokines released from macrophages that sense invading organisms.

Don't debate this with me. This is how we do it. I found it in the Restricted Section. It was right next to A book on Karma.

Take a look…it's like I told you: me. Naked. A horse. I AM a fuckin' actor, y'know.

Hermione, did you see this story from the colonies? Apparently, it's quite normal for a man, a woman and a trusted friend to engage in weekly threesomes.

"Idiots, Waldo is right there, and that's why my name is in the title!"

Check it out, it's called "The Golden Compass". And believe me, toots–It's gonna be a smash!

I told you "donkey punch" wasn't a refreshing beverage.

See look. This is the original picture. No penis. That other one was a fake. Trust me, my actual penis is WAY sm….uh. Fantastic than the one in that other picture. Wanna see?

I told you I would cut anyones balls of who even fucking glanced you. If the bowl full of testicles sitting next to Ron and this picture of Snape's mutilated sack don't convice you, just turn around and make eye contact with Ron. I Dumbledore dare you.

"See Hermione? I'll hold the video camera while Ron breathlessly ejaculates…"

"Look, enough of this reading shit, all right? This is a goddamn movie. So I'm going to close this book and you're gonna drop that paper and we're blowin' Ron here. Then we move on to that bowl of walnuts."

"Spit into this, love."

No, it says. “40 Something Pedophile”, not “Half-Blood Prince”!

I told you I would cut the balls off of anyone who even fucking glanced you. If the bowl full of testicles sitting next to Ron and this picture of Snape's mutilated sack don't convice you, just turn around and make eye contact with Ron. I Dumbledore dare you. (last one had terrible grammar, word)

"I told you there was a vaginal reconstructive surgery subplot in the Godfather novel."

"Hermi, be a dear and read this passage from The Book of Law. It'll knock your knickers off."

"Look, Hermione – take this book and fuck off into the other room for half an hour – Ron and I are GAY okay? Big surprise! We want to suck cock and we can't with you sitting there hagging up the place."

Book reads: "Do you like me? []Yes []No"

Look, this picture prooves someone else gave me a job, I was naked, naked on STAGE!!! And see in the first row, there's Ron, who couldn't seem to find a job either….

"It's called the Lament Configuration, it's in Dumbledore's office, and we have to steal it. I can't tell you why."

(incidentally: "the Eiffel Tower" is apparently what almost happened in my apartment the last two New Year's Eves)

they're called boobs

"See? This is how much we are going to make if we turn "Deathly Hallows" into two films, I checked the numbers!"

"No Hermione, in this case you are wrong. The spell is pronounced 'Cialis viagra'. See? It says so in the Necronomicon Sex Mortis. You just accidentally gave Ron a vagina."

See, Hermione? Its right here in this book! The Sandman wants his shirt back.

"Does this spellbook smell like chloroform? Ron dosen't think so."

No more multitasking for you, young lady! I'll take this copy of Gringott's: A History, and just stick with today's issue of The Daily Prophet.

Harry: "…and if you take a look at page 19 Hermi…it shows quite clearly the girl swallowing in the aftermath…."

Ron: "….I'm bored, she gets the jist of it haz, we gonna roast her or not?"

"See, Hermione, Danny Kaye and Lawrence Olivier did it together…gaywise."

Okay listen…If Ron gets on you and I get on Ron…the combined force will be enough to smush your breasts into another shape other then "tiny pyramid".

look at the cock on that!

easily the best one:
"I told you there was a vaginal reconstructive surgery subplot in the Godfather novel." just b/c it's so goddamn random.

"God damn it, Hermione, there's some serious rutting in this DH Lawrence novel, and that's considered 'serious' literature, so what's the fucking problem?"

Harry says, "Take a look at this kid who is just like me in this comic named the Books of Magic by Neil Gaiman. He's even got the glasses, scar and owl. Hermione,are we really fictional characters?"

if he fucks her before i do i'll kill myself

"Come on, take the ticket. We're busy here. Take the ticket.
Take it. Take the ticket. I'll remember your face."

Hermione, "What do you want me to read?" Harry, "It's called 'Story of the Eye.' We could go in another room and popcorn it!"

"Look! See! Its Right Here! Our Whole Lives Seem Like A Lamer Version Of A Story By This Tolkien Guy!…

"Why would you inviter HER over?…I thought we were going to read Nancy Drew books and eat fig newtons."

If we pull this off, I'm gonna shit.