You
and I and all those people out there with a vocal love of film have
ruined it for everyone, pimping movies up, falling in love with
mediocre films and championing them to near-legendary status. We’ve
embraced turkeys, legitimized borderline movies, and elevated modest
films in our favorite franchises above and beyond realistic standards.
We’ve even embraced the films everyone likes, somehow adding a
credibility to them that transcends the mainstream. Sacred cows, little
flicks, and everything in between. It’s time we took a look inward and
came clean with 25 movies we think need to be taken down a peg or two.
These are our four categories for this list:
These guys have had it too easy. Far too easy. Don’t believe the insane hype.
OVERBLOWN
Good flicks that have gotten too damn big for their britches.
MISUNDERSTOOD
Asshole, you love this film for all the wrong reasons.
WHAT THE FUCK
Something went horribly wrong here and it’s carried over the the fans, who are blinded by shizer.
CHUD’s Logline: A group of outcast kids go on a treasure hunt… VERY LOUDLY! Mutant retards, pockmarked scalawags, and the ancient gasbag vaginaface of Anne Ramsey stand in their way. Cyndi Lauper sings about it. What am I forgetting? Oh, and go fuck yourself.
Its Legacy: An entire generation of 30-40 year olds are convinced this LOUD staple of their childhood is worth something. Unleashed the best Brolin on the populace as well as some of the first work for Hollywood legends Robert Davi, Corey Feldman, Martha Plimpton, Ke Huy Quan. and bumped the word “Goonie” into the lexicon of words people never needed. Caused kids to LOUDLY explore the woods looking for treasure, few found any but a few probably bumped into Wayne Williams.
Why It’s Here: This is proof positive that Steven Spielberg’s Midas Touch didn’t work on small boys.
The Goonies is a noble idea, what with Indiana Jones in the middle of his heyday and my generation in the thrall of anything uncorked by bearded men in power [Santa, Lucas, Spielberg, Castro, Kahlo]. Adventure and the 80’s were synonymous but The Goonies is a very flawed, very annoying, very busy, and very overdone movie from the typically reliable Spielberg [still] and Richard Donner [then]. Remarkably prescient casting aside (including a then alive John Matusak as the beloved waterhead Sloth), the kitchen sink approach and overload of kids yelling and making jokes between the numerous set pieces is numbing at first and then simply a headache to endure. It’s as if the powers that be focus grouped everything people responded to in E.T. and the Indiana Jones films and multiplied them while skewing younger. Younger and dumber.
There’s no magic in this film, just a total assault of action and sound and nary a second to catch your breath. In a lot of ways this bitch paved the way for things like Spielberg’s own dreadfully annoying Hook and other kitchen sink “classics” unfolded by folks named Sommers, Verbinski, and well… Donner.
There’s simply too much talent here to allow for this film to be such a bloated and loud misfire. Worse yet, a whole onslaught of my peers and generationmates have championed this film as some sort of lost treasure from the 80’s when in reality it’s one of those films that works a lot better when you don’t know any better and have expectations in proportion to your cock size. The fandom for this film is a total and sound WHAT THE FUCK.
The Goonies ain’t good enough. Not even close.
A Moment of Piss: The Truffle Shuffle. Watching a fat kid shake his fat is good for no one. Especially when it’s supposed to be comic relief.
These Ain’t Chopped Liver Alternatives: Stand By Me, Short Eyes, Gremlins, The Wizard of Oz, The Lost Boys, Lord of the Flies.
Devin Faraci Agrees: Jesus Christ is this movie irritating. What’s baffling is that there are so many people wedded to this cacophonous mess even as adults. When you’re 12 and hopped up on Pixy Stix and jaded by the sensory overload of Saturday morning cartoons I can understand how 90 minutes of screaming is what it takes to get you off, but when you’ve finally got hair on the parts that need it, how can you still find any of this charming or amusing? Goonies is an assault that makes the Our Gang shorts seem like Pinter plays.
I don’t even know how anybody could defend this film without going to the sickly, diseased well of nostalgia. I’ll be interested in seeing what Alex has to say below me, since I can not come up with a single defense of this movie that doesn’t begin with ‘It was great when I was a kid.’ Of course it’s the people who make this defense that will be raging the most in the comments below; they’ve internalized this load of shit and made it not just a part of their past but a part of their identity. These people likely have emotional issues big enough to send two generations of their psychologist’s offspring to college.
Here’s the bottom line: A lot of the stuff you liked as a kid objectively sucks. You’re an adult now. You can appreciate the way that this stuff made you feel as a kid without still tying yourself in knots trying to appreciate it at an age where it’s wholly inappropriate and forced.
Alex Riviello Disagrees: I’ll admit, I stumbled a bit while re-watching this for the defense. Turns out that yes, the years haven’t been kind to this film. Like you guys said, the entire thing is mostly all about kids running around screaming and getting in situations over their heads. Stereotypes abound. The moments that are supposed to have heart don’t work because Donner didn’t realize that it’s stupid to throw all the heavy emotional scenes on an asthmatic kid who can’t wait to grow up and make out with Frodo. But you know what? It’s still pretty damn fun.
It is Indiana Jones for kids, with all the traps, gadgets, and adventure you could ever want. The kids are good (Corey Feldman gives arguably his best role!), and as goofy and ineffective as the Fratellis are, you can just see how much they enjoyed their roles. Joey Pants screaming about bats while trying to grab onto his toupee = GOLD.
Maybe it’s because you old bastards have almost a decade on me, but I still chuckle at the humor in this one. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with adults liking a film that’s clearly targeted towards kids. This is the kind of movie you could watch with your spawn today and still enjoy yourself. It still holds up in that regard, and deserves its status as a minor classic.
On the flipside, I agree that if you’re watching this movie all the time as an adult, still quoting it while wearing Sloth t-shirts… yeah, might be time to grow up.
Goonies 2 for the NES still rocks, though. Digitized Lauper and all.
88 comments
"expectations in proportion to your cock size" – ha-ha – good writing… from the "ADULT" telling you this "KIDS" movie sucks.
glad i'm not the only one that doesn't like this film. Of course the first time i saw it i was a Jr. in high school, and just looked at my friends that were LOL'ing the whole time and thought…..what……the……..f@#$ are you pinheads laughing at?!
You motherfuckers dislike the GOONIES? Ladies and Gentlemen: PROOF POSITIVE THAT THESE MEN HAVE NEVER HAD A SENSE OF FUCKING WHIMSY! No wonder their writing comes off so cold and clinical most of the time.
Goonies fans come from broken homes.
I had a feeling this movie was going to pop up on this list. I know it's tied to my childhood nostalgia, but I still can't help but say that it's a great kids movie. I saw it again a few months back and still loved it for what it was: a kids Indiana Jones flick.
Will Chud allow me to enjoy the Skeleton piano thing? That is still great. And Davi.
Who cares? You guys championed the boring "Slither." People enjoy movies and they jiz themselves telling other people how much they enjoyed it. I'm not saying this list doesn't have its merits, but you guys have been ranting against 'The Goonies' for so long on this site it's becoming more rabid than anyone I know who likes this film (and I know a lot). I get it, you don't like the movie. I repeat myself: "Who cares?" (And I mean that on both sides of this discussion: it's a dumb but fun movie, not worth praising, not worth eviscerating.)
This is one I'm going to have to re-watch. I loved "The Goonies". LovED! But I've been burned before. I bought "The Running Man" based on my memory of it kicking ass. I mean, I was smart enough to know that "Commando" and "Raw Deal" sucked, so "Running Man" had to hold up. Fuck was I wrong. And I was wrong in a completely defeating way. I could not believe I was gullible enough to buy into that neon-light jumble-fuck. Based on Nick's opinion, "The Goonies" might fall into that category for me. On the other hand "Monster Squad" was still pretty solid twenty years later.
I agree with Alex. It's hard to defend the movie when you stack the deck. What both Devin & Nick are forgetting is how fresh it was. A young Indiania Jones adventure, with kids being kids. Crass, vulgar, funny & obnoxtious, the goonie gang was as an on the nose depiction of suburban 80's adolescents. (The kind of kids who would grow up to read CHUD, or write for it) It got the feeling of being twelve; that last magical summer, before middle school, and relationships with girls tht went beyond crushing & sneaking a kiss. Hate the movie all you want, you soulless, cranky old men. But Goonies got more things right, than missed. And when it comes to capturing important childhood friendship/male bonding, only Stand By Me did it better.
LOUD LOUD LOUD
ENOUGH
this movie sucks. i didn't even like it as a kid
somehow i feel that this column was created just so it would give nick and devin a chance to bitch about this film again..fuck, i have never heard two writers bitch about one movie than those two guys…i like "the goonies" still, but it does stereotype the characters hugely (and if you guys are bugged by how LOUD it is, you should listen to the audio commentary on the dvd…no one will fucking shut up!)…and i agree with the above poster on "slither"….i dont think i have ever seen a movie wink at its audience so much…at one point i thought it was going to come off the screen, cradle my genitals and tell me to not tell my mommy (itn other words, that movie tries wat too damn hard)
Anyone looking for an interesting look at
these kinds of movies would be a lot better off reading Scott Tobias's "The New Cult Cannon" at the Onion AV club.
Besides insulting the films and their fanbases, this list doesn't have anything to say, and even worse, the jokes aren't funny.
If someone that had never clicked on CHUD before read this, would they think it was written by someone older than sixteen?
All I remember is Kerri Green playing the organ and fretting over whether she should play B sharp or C. Any musician knows they are the same key. I did get the chance to work with Sean Astin once. I asked him to make me an official Goonie. He did. That makes me as retarded as Sloth. I don't care if it sucks. Goonies never say die.
No big surprise that a couple of lard asses would have deep-seated issues with a film whose major contribution to the pop culture landscape is one of the most often-cited (and hilarious!) fat jokes of the last twenty years.
Their exorbitant contempt for the film is laid on sooooo THICK (fat pun intended – huzzah!) that you can help but figure that both their childhoods must have been plagued by constant biddings for the Truffle Shuffle.
Sorry Nicky, but when your sole cinematic offering is Grizzly Park, you're hardly in a position to call any film dumb.
But I know what really made your dick limp with this flick. With your LOUDLY declared love for all things tentacled, the fact that they cut the giant killer octopus scene only to have the audacity to mention it in the final scene must have really stung. Man, what a cock tease.
Which shitty show on Oxygen do you work on, eric@jupiterent.com?
Does anyone else think one of the reasons the critical establishment was so dismissive of Spielberg for so long during the 80's(while generally applauding Color Purple and Empire of the Sun) was that he kept attaching his name to shit like this, batteries not included and that bigfoot movie with Lithgow?
There's nothing so horribly wrong with "The Goonies" that isn't also wrong with almost any genre movie centered on kids in the 80s. The tone is all over the place, ditto the performances, and no one ever really figured out how to make the Spielberg-style "1950s-in-the-1980s" time-mashup totally work aside from Spielberg himself. But the parts that work, especially for the intended-audience, work often spectacularly well. Part of me can't really figure out why much of this site – and Devin in particular – is so fixated on THIS movie… though after the Scarface installment I'm wondering if the problem is that it's just not referenced in enough Gangsta Rap for him to like. If only someone DMX had once cut a track called "Gooniez Neva Sez Die Yo!" this might be a totally different article 😉
Maybe this has been brought up before, but this just SCREAMS "ploy for more hits." It works on me, so I should probably just keep my mouth shut..
Wow. Lots of emotion for this one. I have personally always loved this movie. watched it not even six months ago and still found it fun, goofy, exciting and bogus. there were jokes in it i didnt get ten years ago, and there were certainly jokes i didnt get this time though, but its a blast of a movie for what it is. my 4 year old nephew loves the fuck out of it and i'm always glad to pop it in the dvd player because i still get a certain joy from it. i'll never change anybodys mind, but the goonies does it for me on another level. "this is my dream, my wish. and it didnt come true. so i'm taking it back. i'm taking them all back" bam.
A 20 year old children's movie? Are the Ice Pirates and Newsies next? Strange pick.
Is there something ironic about a critic calling a movie juvenile, annoying, and loud in a column that features the word "vaginaface?"
Oooh, look at me! I'm Devin Faraci! I read Voltaire in my smoking jacket whilst swilling vintage pinot noir! Ta ta, children! I must run, I have a very important meeting for ADULTS ONLY to go to! Me and Drew McWeeny have serious discussion planned over the minutiae in Jeunet's oevre! Never shall ye fret, I'll return to keep on being a dour douche! Stay ever vigilant!
I watched this as a kid many times indiscriminately, never particularly enjoying it. I liked the gadgets and the slide getting them to the pirate ship. Even as a kid so much of that movie was overly cute and sappier than…uh, shit. "Rich stuff?" Fucking "gold," ya pecka head. Fake kids. And "One Eyed Willy" is in your pants, not on a pirate ship. Sounds like a lame in joke. I can't imagine anyone watching this movie for enjoyment. And I love Richard Donner and hate pissing on one of his movies.
c'mon – just get to the inevitable Star Wars article already. that's the whole point in this witless, unoriginal exercise isn't it? ripping on fanboys (as long as they're not your kind of fanboys anyway). or are you just building up to it as a grand finale? wake me up when you write something interesting again. thanks. ps The Goonies is a weak movie, but it isn't for embittered internet geek journos – it's for kids. there's something ever so slightly pathetic about a grown man railing so hard against childrens entertainment.
"I don't even know how anybody could defend this film without going to the sickly, diseased well of nostalgia"
In other words, Devin didn't have any friends as a kid and got picked on all the time for being a disgusting fatbody.
Oh, how's that shark movie coming along, Nick? HA HA HA HA HA HA
WOW I CAN'T BELEIVE MY EYES! THE GOONIES IS MY OBSEESION. AND IM NOT SICK THE GOONIES IS A CULT CLASSIC AND A VERY GOOD MOVE!
"These people likely have emotional issues big enough to send two generations of their psychologist's offspring to college" Oh, unlike the 30 something third rate internet critics that bash a movie that came on when they were most likely in their teens? Go fuck yourself, Devin. It's not our fault you were a fucking nerd with no friends growing up.
Terrific !!!!
Talkbacks were a really bad idea for new Chud.com
My God ! The list of fucking awesome movies my dad took me to see when I was a pre- teenager! Raiders Of The Lost Ark! Alien! Aliens! Robocop! The Goonies!….
I fucking badgered the old man into seeing this one, and we did, at the Capitol 6, cinema one, at the time the largest screen in Vancouver. I was coming off of "Temple of Doom Mania", and the only one out of the trilogy we didn't see in the theatre together (I am so buying the old man a ticket May 22).
I remember loving it, for the score, and the moment when they break Robert Davi out of prison, and the one brother sets the gasoline on fire with his .45. The best goddamn sound design I'd ever heard is in that prison break sequence. And the fucking truffle shuffle..come on? And Ke Huy Quan in his last role of any meaning? And fucking Josh Brolin wearing a headband, and hanging off the goddamn Stalactite in the poster, and then turning up in three of the best movies of 2007? And what about Sean Astin saying "Holy Shit" when he first sees One Eyed Willy's ship in the cave? And Martha Plimpton……oh, nevermind. The best thing about this movie is Anne Ramsey as the leader of the gang, followed by "Throw Momma From The Train" which I subjectively remember as being better described by my seventh grade compadres than actually experienced…on VHS. And I think she got an Oscar nomination for that one.
R.I.P. Anne Ramsey.
I'm drunk on martinis,
pretentiousfuck.
Goonies was obnoxious, stupid and unpleasant to look at. Just like most children. Its cult following baffles me. The 80s were a dead zone for kids entertainment, but that hasn't stopped the cults. Goonies sucked, though it didn't suck as hard as Transformers and G.I. Joe and the X-Men.
@ Ben – no doubt.
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Although I do think you guys were a little hard on the movie. It doesn;t hold up well, but it is a 80's kids movie.
You kids get off mah lawn! And turn down that darn 'rock n' roll'!
So LOUD makes for a bad movie. Let's throw in Indiana Jones, Jaws, Star Wars, and many more. By the way I just watched both The Goonies and Raiders recently with my daughter. The Goonies surprisingly held up a lot better than old Indy did. But when you guys champion films like The Ruins, Slither, THe Mist, and SHoot 'em Up it is no wonder you have a movie like The Goonies on the most overrated list.
the wizard of oz as an alternative… you are out of your fucking mind… next you'll be going after the godfather, citizen kane, raging bull, the tin drum and cinema paradiso…
Wow, really hope this isn't another buildup to ANOTHER Star Wars slagging as someone mentioned above… That would be very painful. Didn't Star Wars jokes get old… oh, about nine years ago? Haven't seen Goonies in SO many years… but Alex, you're the man for the "Goonies II" reference. That topless mermaid at the end was the stuff of eight year old dreams.
YES! I hate this goddamn movie so much, probably almost as much as the soft headed folks my age who think its a classic. Well done Fellas, well done…
You guys are really grabbing at straws hear. This is a great movie. I'm not pining for my childhood. I've got a car, a house and a wife(three things Devin can not claim to have. Maybe when HE grows up he will get a little more perspective on things). This movie is simply the ultimate kids movie, and I still enjoy it as an adult. So in defense of the childern….. Go Fuck Yourselves! BABY RUTH!!!!……………….."when you guys champion films like The Ruins, Slither, THe Mist, and SHoot 'em Up it is no wonder you have a movie like The Goonies on the most overrated list." nice one negrotto, I was thinking the same thing.
Fuck all the haters. I love the Goonies, and I'm not ashamed.
i wuz gonna say no1 thot this movie was art, but thez posts prove me wrong. morons. still, wurst chud feature eva
You know, I had childhood nostalgia for "Goonies" as well. Then I re-watched a couple years ago. It sucks. Yes, it sucks. And just because I feel that now doesn't mean my childhood is ruined. How many of you are still sore about finding out there's no Santa Claus? Get over it, kids!
Devin detailed in one of his nauseating editorials the fact that he sees too many movies every year to the point where some of the magic of actually enjoying them is lost. You guys are so fucking glazed over by what you do that now you're revisiting films and finding ways to distinguish yourselves by purposely bashing what you know to be good entertainment. Get a job, you fucks.
Eh. I loved, loved this movie when I was a kid. I wanted to BE Data, or Gadget, or whatever the fuck his name is= and I'm not even Asian.
But at 33, watching it with my wife a year ago we found ourselves eye-rolling and giggling- and not at the "funny" stuff.
It's a fun movie for kids: No None Disagrees With This. When my son is older, I'm sure he'll play the disc to death. But I'll hopefully be in the other room.
What people need to accept is that some movies work DESPITE themselves. This ain't one of them. Goonies has a lot going for it, and barely works as a coherent narrative. Yes, it's fun. So is throwing ice cubes at a brick wall. For a while.
Fun doesn't automatically equal Quality.
What the hell is your problem. You go and trash a 20 year old kids flick, I am 25 and I can tell you that the Goonies along with RAiders, Gremlins, Back to the Future, all were influential in my upbringing, Whats next are you gonna call Ghostbusters overrated oh thats right your the only website on the internet boycotting what the fans are hoping for is the third movie in that series, why dont you go trash something else instead of other peoples fine memories just because your old and cynical and have no heart, You wanna know what an overrated piece of garbage film is Magnolia, whoops I forgot thats untouchable here on Chud. Next time tear apart a movie that diserves it not something that is pretty well liked in the publics' eyes.
It's a kid's movie, and like most of them, it's not gonna do much for me emotionally or intellectually at my age, but it's still fucking hilarious. And it's really tricky to have kids perform comedy that comes off as funny as an adult performing it. Judd Apatow can't pull this off with his own kids. 'Goonies' is quotable and genuinely funny, and that's what people remember it for.
Man, check out all this vitriol! So Nick and Devin don't like it and give a friendly Fuck You to those that do. It's fine. Their distaste of Donnerberg's The Goonies needn't change anyone's subjective view that it's a half decent, even great, movie. I love Nick/Devin's takes– they hold some merit, but like Alex, I disagree. The loudness of the film hold is what has endeared it to me as a growed-up. A pack of 10-12 year old boys are obnoxious and loud all the time, every time and for me that's part of the charm. The rest comes off as nothing more than whimsy to this kid and after repeated doses of dark, hopeless and serious fare, a little whimsy is a nice respite. As for all the hate on Goonies hate– lighten up, you big vaginas.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, it just so happens that you're wrong on this one, dicklicker.
Reasons why this new column sucks for 100?
Answer there: Nick isn't funny anymore, Devin sucks worse than ever, and this should be called Watch The Hipsters Throw Rocks instead.
Duh. It's a kids film, what's next? Why the teletubbies suck? I liked it as a kid, you all liked it as kids, kids today would like it. Now get back to hating on films above a G.
I don't get the bash. (Why not hate the Gremlins?) Appreciate the Goonies for what it was, a great roller-coaster ride(or likie it for that warm early 80's Spielberg vibe or a good time had). As long as you're not some stunted man child who still watches it every six monthes, or refuses to experience new and more challenging films, you'll be okay. Like with music, a movie can take you back to a special or more simpler time. I mean I wasn't alive to experience Lawrence of Arabia or The White Album first hand, but I was for the Goonies and License To Ill. I love one group for artistic reasons and the joy of greatness discovered on my own, and the other group I love for that dreaded, over-hated word, nostalgia. Goonies takes me back to childhood friendships and first crush girls next door. I never held anyone's hand to Lawrence of Arabia. I did with the Goonies. That's why I like it. What's wrong with that? (Great series guys! Keep 'em coming!)
The Goonies is (are?) a pile of crap. I thought so when I first saw it, at the age of 9 or so (okay, actually I probably thought "well, that was a so-so movie"), and its value certainly hasn't risen in my eyes or my mind since then. It's definitely among the crappiest entries in all the dreck (and a handful good movies) usually listed under "80s Nostalgia Part 2: the Family Movies".
A roller-coaster ride is right. A kids-eye adventure is right. A come-to-life Alfred Hitchcock & the 3 Investigators is right. A young Indiana Jones adventure is right. A on the button look at childhood friendships and love, rivaling only Stand By Me is right. A fun time at the movies, courtesy of an in his prime Mr. Steven Spielberg is right. Seeing it as a superior to the craptacular shitpile that is Monster Squad is right. Appreciating it for not being based on a toy line or comic book is right. Loving it for the memories it holds,(yes, Virginia-nostalgia) is alright. What's wrong? Hating it because other people love. Hating it because you were too old. Hating it because you just never knew how to have fun.
What's not to like about this movie? It's a tightly paced but loosely storied action comedy, with refreshingly and authentically foul-mouthed children racing from set piece to set piece. It contains some of the best comedic performances ever to be wrested from rotten little kids, some of whom aren't even cute. It has a highly empathizable class struggle with a nice anti-yuppie message, and an undercurrent of MAD-magazine-style irreverence and a bit of genuine angst. It has Anne Ramsey in perhaps her signature role, and a seven-foot mutant in a Superman shirt screaming about candy bars. No wonder this site is so devoted to the sickly sweet, I'm-okay/you're okay, cloying Apatow-verse, if none of you can appreciate this bit of youthful exuberence.
I never liked this movie, not even as a kid. 'The Goonies' is bad for a child's imagination.
I can honestly say watching this movie as a kid, I loved it nothing could be better, but re-watching it as an adult made me wonder what the hell I ever saw in it. It is bad and if you let go of the nostalgia of it all and are honest with yourself, you would agree without discussion.
"Indiana Jones for kids"??? Isn't Indiana Jones already Indiana Jones for kids? I'm in agreement. "What the Fuck?"
Agree. As much as I love Dick (Donner), Goonies is a pile of shit. It has held up quite well – it sucked when it came out, and it sucks now.
As long as you guys give Star Wars the same kinda shit your giving goonies I will buy into your arguments. Are you saving a "What the Fuck" Star Wars for last.
Star Wars is going to be the "what the fuck" as the last entry. You can see it coming a mile away. You know what this site and George Lucas have in common? They're both one trick ponies. I'm done.
lighten up.
Yeah, gotta agree your level of hate on this film outstrips the level of love supporters of this film seem to have – so it's more a "What the Fuck!? is with Goonie Hate?" But you're right about the the "LOUD" thing – my god they're screaming little bitches…then again so is every other fucking kid on the planet, so it's like getting pissed off at the little kid in Cujo – yes, it's annoying, but fairly accurate…The Fat Kid telling the story about the fake vomit trick going bad is a pretty good scene. Don't remember the Proto-Homer Fat Dance though…
Does anyone remember laughter? Hating the Goonies for the kids is like hating Temple of Doom for Kate Capshaw. They're supposed to be that way. Loud, dumb,and obnoxtious is the way we were. As others said better, if you're still watching the Goonies today you're a loser, but if you never liked it at all-boy oh boy, your childhood must've been a drag (and lonely). Comparisons were made to Stand By Me, I'm reminded of (a PG-13) IT. (In the early 80's, didn't the two giant Stevens of pop culture, Spielberg & King seem like gods?) This goofy/yet honest flick gets the pre-adolescent, twelve yr. old boy mentality. That was/is rare. Here, the spirit of adventure and the passion of youth are alive. The jokes are funny, and the emotions earned. In conclusion, the Goonies are good enough…good enough for me…good enough for you. (BobClark said something smart on the MB. The closest comparison is Spy Kids. I agree. Also, Monster House)
I'm loving these articles, and I'm finding it hilarious how much people are getting their panties up in a wad about it, it's an interesting read if you agree or not. I thought this was alright when I was 14, never gave it much more thought.
Thank God. I hated this movie when I was a kid and I hate it now. I've never understood the love for this film. It's as charmless as the Garbage Pail Kids movie.
Personally, I think Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom should be on this list too. But of course, such a discussion would certainly send many of the outragists here into apoplepsy.
Don't take it so personally, kids. It's all subjective. If you hate Nick and Devin so much, then start your own site and wax masturbatory on the many splendoured delight that is The Goonies.
Why is Chud wasting pixels — and more importantly, my goodwill toward this site — on shooting the sprawling, glacially-moving fish in the barrel of mindless cinema that is Goonies? More broadly speaking, what is it about the underwhelming cosmetic makeover of Chud.com (plus, apparently, the acquisition of a couple of video cameras permitting us to see — in glorious 2-D — the magical, jazz-like riffing that is Devin interviewing some fuckwit from an Apatow flick on a gratuitous press junket) that grants Chud this ephemeral sense of entitlement to skirt their job as critics: namely, to draw its reader's attention to exciting, interesting, and hitherto unknown films? While I love the acerbic, curmudgeonly, and straight-up misanthropic perspective that Chud offers the world (read: not so many of these !!!!! as other certain sites; not the mindless, pseudo-journalistic fellatio of the sycophants enjoying cubicle space at moviesblog.mtv.com and others), it has hitherto struck me as some breed of valid, useful form of criticism. Recently, however, much of the content on this site has consisted of mere onanism (that derivative, minimal, and unfunny comic "strip" that has been making the rounds comes to mind). And to what end? To pay the bills? I doubt it — which is unfortunate, because that is a sin for which you would be forgiven.
Oh man, this is the most active talkback, yet!
After complaining about how LOUD the kids are, Nick – don't forget to tell them to get off your lawn.
I honestly think this list is ruining the site. Everyone is coming off as a douche bag even when they're correct.
another stupid ass article by chud. its a kids movie you fucking dumb retards.
I rewatched this pretty recently and I had the same feeling. I really liked it when I was a kid but now it seems that at some point they just lost control of the actor kids and let them scream and scream.
I'm not sure what's more hilarious, Devin ripping into the Goonies or the people bashing him. Both of it is very hilarious. But only one is the winner.
The only thing that is really bad about this kid's flick (e.g. kids) is the great amount of people who mention this as "the greatest thing to come out of the 80's" which it is not. Your little sister is.
BONG
and the Goonies is overrated. Quit defending it.
if you want to enjoy it watch it with the commentary from donner, feldman and brolin. its a hoot…..
dude wheres my chud has a good point though. I like this list. i think its good list but it is coming across as incredibly elitist and kinda of awful. I mean I find myself agreeing with nearly everything being said but it feels pretty ugly
I've been reading CHUD nearly since its inception and never once participated in the message board, emailed or anything until now. I felt motivated to speak up about this series of articles though. I have no particular nostalgia for The Goonies, it's just a so-so movie that a lot of people of my generation quote. That being said this entire series of articles is pretty pompous and insulting to its target audience. "You Got It All Wrong"? Seriously, has Devin's whole snarky "let me tell you why your opinion is stupid" shtick become the tone for CHUD and all it's new writers now? The contributors of this site should stop using it as a venue to hone their one-liners and sarcastic quips and focus on getting a scoop or exclusive content once in a while. The ratio of pretentious rants and dick and fart joke driven editorials to movie news I haven't already read on two or three other sites has tipped in the wrong direction here.
I never thought I'd say it, but I miss Smilin Jack Ruby.
Honestly, guys… I was excited about this list when it started. I've enjoyed all the other CHUD lists, and was looking forward to watching you guys dissect some beloved flicks and offering a different viewpoint. Unfortunately, thus far it's been simply an exercise in name-calling and airing out personal gripes. Not only is that uninteresting to read, it's insulting to those who disagree with your choices–you're not even giving these films the dignity of an actual debate. The Goonies is too "loud"? Seriously? That's the point you want to belabor here? Then again, as a relatively new CHUD reader, I've quickly discovered that insulting your readers is par for the course. Devin hates, well, apparently just about everyone, but the one thing that has jumped out at me most is that he does not love movies, and he *certainly* doesn't love movie fans. I abandoned AICN because most of the writers are so incompetent, but I find myself missing the sheer love of movies and movie fandom that reigns over there. It really doesn't bother me if you want to hate a perfectly harmless movie like The Goonies, but if you can't do it with a little class, "vaginaface," at least do it with a little substance. Give me a reason to care what you think.
Well put Jason. I would just like to add that this Alex character is a git.
Honestly, if I sat down and tried to write a post about why Goonies is overrated, I don't think it would be that hard…but I'd also by lying. Totally disagree with this one.
Devin, you hate GOONIES but like FANTASTIC FOUR? Hell, how about instead suggesting THE MONSTER SQUAD?
The original cut ended with the kids putting headphones on a giant squid to get it to leave them alone. It's a ridiculous movie, yes. You could say The Goonies is loud and over-the-top, I say it's spirited. I guess I don't understand why "objective" has come to mean "adult." I'm not gonna give some run-around about my inner child, but I can appreciate a film that captures the shit out of its intended audience. And while I've certainly grown since then, I think there was something universal about their spirit that can be enjoyably revisited by adults in a way that goes beyond nostalgia. Also, I was born in 1984. Feel free to use that against me.
I'm not even here to defend the movie, because I barely remember it, but Roger Ebert liked it…and he was an adult at the time.
You Got It All Wrong = CHUD Jumping The Shark.
@Devin Faraci* –
Patton?
@RogueOne –
Chud was never good. Just like the Goonies.
I disagree. I'm not a 30-40 y/o geek who loves it because of nostalgia. In fact, it's not even a favorite film of mine. I like it, but I don't love it. However, I do think it's deserving of some cult status 'cause of the way the kids talk and interact with each other. If feels real and natural when they talk, giving the comedic one-liners more weight and making them funnier because of the pitch perfect performances. I think a better candidate would be "The Monster Squad". Not only is that a Goonies rip-off, but it tries too hard for the one-liners and memorable quotes, almost as though Fred Drekker had that in mind the whole time they were filming. I like TMS too, and it's a great looking film, but when you notice how thin the plot is and how pale it compares to The Goonies, it's hard to find any of it amusing or nostalgic in any way. Even if it wasn't a Goonies rip-off, it still feels like it, and that's enough.
I think that the entire population of movie-watchers passionate about this film have weighed in right here on the page. Folks, it's just not worth this much effort. It's a goofy little film (that I have to admit I don't particularly care for) that some people found annoying and some found enjoyable. So what? I don't think it ever had the stature to make a list like this. So, to Nick, Devin and Alex: it just doesn't belong here. To some of the other posters– Jason: Nice vocabulary dump! You must be tired from thumbing thru the thesaurus. Take a break. And to Brendor: I've never heard anyone say that Goonies was "the greatest thing to come out of the 80's". Nor have I read that anywhere. And I'm willing to bet you haven't either. Get a grip, man! To anyone who made fun of the major complaint that the the film (about adventurous kids in danger, mind you) was too loud: Right ON!
I respect y'alls opinions, but…
I'm thinking you all LOVED this movie as a kid, but when you showed to your own children, they made you feel all uncool and old. I know the feeling: when my 8you nephew said "Star Wars" was 'crappy compared to the Pokeymon movie' I damn near lost my lunch. It's OK guys… gettin' older isn't that bad… no need to diss your childhood favorites in the process.
What the fuck is this? Goonies is not overrated.
I can't be friends with people who don't like the Goonies. It's one of the early warning signals of assholes, like people that didn't like Simpsons when it was good.
Indeed, even considering that it was a moronic kid movie, it is STILL one of the worst excrements left by the 80s. I do hope to see a terrible remake or a sequel soon, just to have the followers of this film moan and wail.
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