I don’t mean to overreact, but Earth vs. Moon is either the dumbest fucking title in the history of cinema or the retroactive cause of the Black Death. That said, on the off-chance that the screenplay depicts a stupefyingly literal throwdown between a sentient planet and its upstart satellite (i.e. The War of the Gargantuas, but armless and more spherical), I’d like to leave open the possibility that Earth vs. Moon could just usher in a second Age of Enlightenment.

Little is known about Earth vs. Moon, which is probably for the best. Currently classified as a “sci-fi epic”, it’s the brainchild of Joe Schmo Show creators Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese; though I know nothing of Wernick, it should be noted that Reese was a writer on Monsters, Inc before he penned Cruel Intentions 3. That’s a little like Martin Scorsese segueing from Mean Streets to Boxcar Bertha, but, hey, who amongst us wouldn’t flee Pixar for the chance to write about teens schemin’ and screwin’?

Whatever Earth vs. Moon is really about, the fact that Universal shelled out mid- to high-six figures for the pitch means it must be at least as good as Van Helsing. Scott Stuber will produce for the studio, while Wernick and Reese have finagled exec producer credits. Now to convince Peter Hyams that this is his Zardoz – and then to convince him that that’s a good thing.