In the many years I’ve been doing this job I’ve learned that sometimes the movies that you dismiss have a way of coming back and biting you on the ass with actual quality. Sometimes it turns out that dumb concept from the director you’re not sure about is actually a great film. Sometimes.
I wager this is not one of those times. It’s an action comedy starring Ashton Kutcher as an ex-hitman who is being pursued by five other hitmen. It’s directed by Robert Luketic, whose career highlight is 21, and whose filmography includes Monster In Law and Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!. This is a match made in the very bowels of a studio accountant’s office.
The film is called Five Killers, which sounds like a good Hong Kong action movie, actually. I don’t think this is a remake of anything, but the concept of a hitman being pursued by hitmen is so hoary and obvious that you don’t have to get the remake rights to any movie previously using that concept.
To be honest, I am sort of intrigued by the film. Who thought that Kutcher as a hitman made a lick of sense? Yeah, John Cusack didn’t seem the obvious choice for that role either, but at least that dude was familiar with things like acting and didn’t have a whole career predicated on being a likable but dimwitted doofus. This should be one heck of a disaster.





14 comments
Grosse Point Blank was still a good film, hell, you even believed that Cusack could kill..But I agree Devin, Kutcher should just stick with raising Demi's kids.
Fuck you, this film will rock. All right. Now let the fat jokes… begin.
I think I read somewhere else that this was a spec script so its not a remake…Still sounds like five pounds of shit in a ten pound bag.
Glen Manning: you're a fat, faggot cocksucker with bottom fat and fat fingers. There. It began. Devin haters are douchebags.
set sarcasm "on"
Hey, it worked with Olyphant, right?
set sarcasm "off"
"Fuck you, this film will rock." Based on what? A bland concept? A bad actor? A boring director with an abysmal track record? Did you write the screenplay? Idiot.
The most unconvincing hitman so far must be Tom Hanks in Road to Perdition.
But, yes this will probably suck.
Well, Fat Jokes and Glen Manning is a fat baby with a tiny pecker, I can only ask you this: Do you know who invented sarcasm? Hmm? No? Well… I did. It's true. How you didn't know that about me but knew that I'm an obese homosexual with microphallus is a complete mystery to me.
Devin, you only hate Ashton because he's good looking and you're jealous of him……
Isn't that the same shit you tell us when we make fun of Shia?
Hypocrite.
No, I don't really say that.
I really liked The Butterfly Effect. Until I see a shitty trailer, I'll assume that it could be alright.
Joey- Director's Cut, yes. Theatrical was an abomination.
Actually, it sounds like 'Exiled' – by Johnny To. Also, the Devin hating has reached some obnoxiously pathetic levels. Gods damn, people on the internet suck.
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