They should also add cell phone blockers in the actual auditoriums. Let the phones work in the lobby, hallway, etc., but block those fuckers in the auditorium.

Also, the ushers should be gym-obsessed, 'roided up bouncers – bounce the assholes outta there.

I greatly agree with the majority of what you've presented here; mostly with the points on reintroducing ushers and skilled projectionists to theaters.

I have to ask, though: you make the point of selling the DVD of smaller films to the theatergoer once the film is over.

How does that jibe with your previously-raised argument regarding the extinction of physical formats in favor of an all-digital medium? Wouldn't it be a more innovative idea to sell redemption slips for a digital copy?

Good points all. I'd particularly love a stringent no talking & texting policy. You can't shut up or you're answering your phone/texting throughout the whole damn movie? GTFO, and thanks for your money. This isn't your fucking living room. I can already hear people bitching that they don't like being told what to do, but guess what? When you buy a ticket, you're agreeing to abide by that theater's rules. It'd just be nice if the theaters themselves actually enforced them.

Great column. Get some ushers in there to limit some of the talkers and texters and babies. The cell phone has become the motion picture's greatest enemy.

Actually, someone should start a Twitter campaign, or something like that, to reach out to filmmakers who make themselves available online – the Frank Marshalls and Jon Favreaus out there – to tell the National Association of Theaterowners at Showest that we are fed up with the diminishing quality of moviegoing. You get some powerful people as pissed off at this as we are perhaps we can make a change happen.

You really can't put in cell phone blockers in the auditorium. There are a lot of people who go to movies yet are on-call for their jobs- doctors are an easy example. If there was no signal in the theater, they simply wouldn't ever be able to go. When I worked in a theater I would see a constant stream of people having to leave mid-film b/c they were called in to work…

I'm all about this. I saw What Is It? at The Loft in Tuscon in '05 and bought a book and CD in the lobby. I was fortunate enough to meet Crispin Glover after the screening and have him sign the merch. Supporting filmmakers is a part of the game. Getting recognition for support makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing. My local theater sells shirts and the occasional poster for new releases. Giving the moviegoer more options is a great way to keep interest fresh.

As far as rude audience go must be an American thing, 96% of the time my Canadian audience shuts the fuck up and pay attention to the turn off your cell phone reminders at the beginning.

Reserve Seating would be a dream though, as would a merch stand (my theatre could easily fit one if they got rid of the arcade people don't play).

There's a lot of truth here. They need to improve the theater going experience. But I don't think any amount of hefty ushers would do much to curb an obstinate texter in a NYC theater. In fact it would probably cause an even greater scene. It could work in some select theaters. But there's no way that would work in Times Square. And selling DVDs on the way out? Yeah I'd love it. But why wouldn't I just buy the DVD and go home to watch it rather than suffering through the awful theater experience? But reserved seating? Yes. Yes. A million times yes. I would gladly pay $25 for a good seat. I often resort to seeing off-hours screenings in remote theaters just to avoid the NYC theater rush. But it comes at a cost. And not just the schlepping over to 1st avenue kind. Seeing movies with a pleasant, engaged audience is a big part of the appeal of movies to begin with. Also they need to do a better job with food concessions. I've already come terms with paying $5 for some carbonated sugar water. Fine. But do I really need to suffer through a 15 minute line to get it too? The wonders of the assembly line aren't new. It would be so much faster to NOT have the person who takes my order and money be the person who also fetches my food. This isn't rocket science. If you have 10 servers you dont need 10 lines. You need 1 line, 3 or 4 people taking orders and money and the rest preparing/serving the orders. I know I can sneak in my own snacks. And I do it often. But it's a hassle and the theaters can make more money while saving me time. I don't see who loses.

Commenter Number One, great suggestions. And if you really, really need to have your phone on because you're expecting an emergency call or email, then maybe you shouldn't be fucking around town, hanging out in a theater. Go home, take care of your business and wait for DVD. Any other non emergency callers or texters can wait two hours until you're done. Or, how about having the cellphone blockers turn on when the movie starts, and shut down when the credits roll. Bingo, problem solved. BTW, I love Arclight. My favorite theater ever.

I don't even know how effective ushers would be with some of the riff raff you find in the theaters these days. They should rig the seats up to electrical current and devices that measure how much noise and light is coming from the seat, and then just zap people when they're identified as talkers or texters.

I agree wholeheartedly with every idea, Devin. 1 – 3 are just common sense and were actual rules some time ago. It's a real sign of the times that theater owners cease to give a fuck once they've got your money in their hands. Anyone successful would tell you – that's NO way to run a business.

While I applaud your ideas for improving the theatrical experience, I hope you understand that none of this will ever come to pass. Theater owners don't give a damn about their customers anymore. You can tell this from the condition of their establishment when you first walk in. Light bulbs are out, torn wall coverings are just left to hang, tiles are missing, the bathroom is literally a shithole, the ushers are movie-of-the-week t-shirt wearing morons who rarely if ever tell you where the theater is and if they do, they're usually so stoned the directions are all wrong. Then the projectionists. I actually remember the projectionists union and the amount of care and professionalism that went into their work. They also made a lot more than projectionists make these days. Now we've got some idiot teenager who forgets to engage both platters 1/2 the time and very rarely adjusts the focus and frame until the movie is 15 minutes in and 30 people have gone to scream at the manager. But, it's the idea that theater owners are actually going to force paying customers to shut the fuck up/stop using their cell phone/leave their fucking baby at home/stop texting that makes me laugh. They don't even care enough to change the light bulbs, do you really think they're going to care enough to make sure your experience is anything less than subpar? No. It raises expectations. With raised expectations comes extra work and no one wants that. If they gave even the slightest crap about their customers, they would realize that the U.S. is chock full of portly individuals who aren't enjoying a damn thing due to being wedged into the most uncomfortable fucking seats mankind has seen since Coach was introduced on airlines. But, no, an extra inch or so would require the removal of a seat and god forbid their seating capacity be reduced because then how are they going to accommodate the 10,000 morons who actually think "Transformers 3" is something to look forward to? The sad fact is, the theatrical experience is is going to continue it's downhill slide until a 'good experience' is somehow finding a chair that doesn't have a fresh turd smeared into it and I'm afraid that means, you'll count yourself lucky to just sit somewhere that only smells like piss.

It's called "The Arclight." There are two locations in LA. I can't see a movie outside of it anymore. I think the real trick is to get all the big citys to have at least one prestige theater and let the rest of the groundlings have their AMC's

Reserved Seating is becoming quite prevalent here in Australia. I love it – I book my ticket well in advance online and get the best seat in the house and then get to jump the regular queue at the Box Office. The downside is that it has taken the mouth breathers a long time to get used to the idea of reserved cinema seating, and the number of times you get in there to find some arsehole sitting in your seat is great. I nearly had a e recent movie ruined by a belligerent douchebag who refused to move from OUR seats that WE booked a day in advance. They moved, but not before threatening to kick our arse after the movie. That seems to just be a teething problem, however, and it seems to be happening less and less as people get used to it.

I'd be interested to hear a projectionist's take on this, as I recently had to work with one at a local theatre to put on a screening of graduate films for the film school I attend. He said that the transition to digital projectors has been an extremely bumpy one, with damn near every standard, practice, and trick of the trade established for decades going straight out the window with very few to take their place. He also said that when their theatre moved over to digital projectors, they didn't even come with operation manuals, and he only had a very short space of time to learn how to use the them. I have no idea if this is an isolated incedent or not though.

as for merch: The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin also houses, at least in the downtown location, MondoTees. t-shirts and sometimes posters and maybe other random stuff, available for you before or after the movie. also an autonomous retailer, it's a win-win-win!

"Hello? Hey can I call you back, I'm in a movie. I'm in a movie. What? Speak louder I can't hear you. She did WHAT?" – the fat bitch next to me in avatar who brought her toddler. Cunt.

Also, I noticed a couple of films recently had merchandising-stalls available post-movie – admittedly, neither were things I would watch in a pink fit, but both the Michael Jackson "This is It" and "New Moon" had extensive in-the-lobby merchandising stalls. Shirts, soundtracks, other tie-in objects, all available at a certain chunk of mark-up.

Also, locally, there was a tendency for the first couple of Saw movies to have a DVD copy of the previous entry available when you saw the latest – when you went to Saw III you could buy Saw II, etc.

It'd be nice to see this with a good movie sometime…

The Imax theater in Nyack, NY, has reserved/assigned seating. That was the best part of seeing Spider-man 3.

Thank you for mentioning projectionists. Im one myself and everyday I wish we were unionized and paid more. It's a skilled job but you're not going to get the best out of people if you're not paying them well.

We got a theater here in Oklahoma (Warren) that deals with some of this. They have a strict no-cell phone policy and if you are caught texting or answering a call you are thrown out. There is a balcony with reserved seating that is 21 to enter and has full service waiters/ushers. There is also baby crying rooms in the two main theaters where you sit with your babies or small children and can hear the movie but it is soundproof so you don't bother anyone else.

It's the only place I pay for a movie at anymore (although I still have to sit with rude, loud people at press screenings that is open to the public).

The absence of Ushers is the most amazing phenomenon in movie theaters today, to me. I sat through Avatar Imax 3d opening day, and about forty-five minutes into the film, a humongous projected piece of dirt, or dust appeared right in the middle of the film frame. Throughout the film's projection, the dust bit would fall off, then resurface during the entire remaining run of the film. Soon after the first speck's appearance, numerous other specks appeared, all the way to the end credits.
My solution was to tell a manager after the film ended. When I did this, the manager asked if I had gone out to the lobby, and found someone to complain to. I am still floored that I was being told to do an usher's job. No, I certainly did not leave a 700 capacity theater, in the middle of a film, to find some wayward usher.
After finally addressing the problem, the manager simply said she would tell the projectionist. Now, normally with AMC, they will comp your ticket right away if there is an issue with the film. I had to ask, just about beg, for this, since it about ruined my filmgoing experience.
Thanks for nothiing AMC Metreon San Francisco!
Great points in the article!

There is no validity to the argument of needing to be able to be reached in a theatre. If it is really that important don't go to a movie. Simple as that. I wish I could watch a movie at work but can't. Also, you don't have to go back too many years to when not every asshole had a cell phone and you couldn't be reached in a theatre. Simple as that.

Hey, been giving you crap about your reviews and apparent obsession with Avatar but it's great to see you getting back to some excellent commentary. Great stuff Devin!

Agree 100%! I'd even go so far as to suggest softer plastic on the concession wrappers. Obsessive crinklers drive me crazy for some reason.

Commenter #22, I'm writing this eMail just to say that I live close to the Warren and it is my absolute favorite viewing experience, bar none.

I worked as a projectionist for two/three months this past summer. I worked hard, or so I'd like to believe. It was a dingy first run theater that always had too many customers and too few employees except for managers, which I'm fairly sure outnumbered the amount of ushers and projectionists combined. Often, projectors were breaking down and one projectionist would have to deal with multiple projectors going on the fritz. I was often at a loss because I didn't have an intimate knowledge of every mechanical function of the machine. Not just the bulb, but electrical wiring and the like. Complex things that are not a quick fix. Management, however, still expects the thing to run, so, if the bulb is still going, it was not out of place to manually spin a platter for upwards of two hours and still be expected to deliver all of the film experiences correctly.

The audiences don't particularly have any respect for the theater going experience, either. But the ushers were usually eager to not work. It was an easy job in retrospect with a lot of downtime, but I worked hard, and the audience, management, and corporate need to realize that the good employees can only do so much to keep a theater afloat.

Number 6 should be fire bad workers. This should be a no brainer, but there are just poor employees that ruin a working experience. Managers can be too timid and a general experience could be improved by having a better person in the position.

Wow, Tim (regarding your fat bitch comment) – I think that it's legal to beat the shit out of her if she does that. Food for thought for your next moviegoing experience! Joking aside, I would've verbally laid into that bitch.

#24:
There is validity to the argument – it's not watching a movie while you're working but a different issue. Doctors (specifically specialist surgeons) are essentially on call their entire working lives-there is not really a "different" time they could ever go; lots of small business owners face the same situation; a lot of parents leaving their children with a babysitter would be appalled that they couldn't be reached if necessary.

I'm absolutely not saying people should be talking in the auditorium. But the uproar that would occur from a variety of angles and potential to alienate paying customers makes the implementation of the idea unfeasible and unrealistic.

And Devin, those are great ideas but I hope you know they'll never come to pass in a wide scale although for boutique-style upscale theaters I can see it all working. From what I saw working in a couple of theaters: Ushers are paid minimum wage and don't give a shit about their jobs or customer happiness. Asst managers don't really give a shit either and are generally dumber than the basic employees (who are usually high schoolers/college kids who still have dreams as opposed to total failures). And the GMs just seem to want to kill themselves – in general they're old and making new-college-grad money while having sadly achieved the highest rung of their career ladder.

Great article, Devin. I haven't been to a non-Alamo Drafthouse/non-Angelika theater in a verrrry long time. I'd gotten so fed up with mainstream theaters and the people who go there, I wasn't about to keep spending my money on them. Unfortunately, going to theaters like that isn't an option for many people. I don't know what I'd do if I lived in a city that only had a Regal or the like. I'd probably stop going to the movies and watch them in the comfort of my own home when they came out. I guess if it got to be that big a problem for more people, the theaters would be forced to address the issue.

"When you go to the movies and see the boom mic in every shot – that's the projectionist's fault, not the filmmaker"
This is news to me. I work in film, and when 'boomer' dips into frame, we cut and go again. If we miss it on the floor, the lab lets us know and we simply punch in the frame a bit. I'm amazed that booms still make it into theatres but when they do, at least 10 people have screwed up before hand. If a projectionist can frame it out, great, but it's hardly his job.
With that said, a little more 'skill'
involved in ALL of the theatre professions would be most welcomed.
(Devin, how about sound proofing the theatres better. I complained when the movie beside me ruined the lovely silence of Solaris. I want to watch my film in a bubble!)

Another theater horror story: Once my girlfriend was killing an afternoon with a matinee at the local plex. There may have been four other people in the theater, but one of him was on his cell phone for about the whole two hours. And then the fucker says at the end of the movie: "Ok, the movie's over. Gotta go." Then the prick hangs up!

In Korea, assigned seats when you book your ticket are a long standing practice. Give it enough time and people will get used to it.

when I saw Avatar I had this annoying bitch sat behind me making stupid noises and taking the piss out of the film, the guy next to her told her to shut up and she then asked her friend to swap places because she wanted to "mess about" at this point I turned round and told her to shut the fuck up. then a whole load of people around her cheered. she started crying and left.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Devin Faraci.

I totally agree with the reserved seating policy. I hate the fact I have to go to the movies an hour and before and stand in line and still get a crappy seat sometimes. In Korea we got to choose our own seats from the monitor at the ticket booth and decide whether we want to watch the movie depending on the seats left. I really don't understand why they don't do this in the US. Also beer. I miss drinking beer in the theater. Watching Oldboy while drinking a beer was the bomb.
Also most theaters have pamphelts of upcoming movies and theaters kind of judge what movies will do well based on what pamphelts people take from the stands. This could help with the merch. The only problem in Korea was the fucking non-stop texting. But yeah, reserved seating would be great and save everyone's time.

Merch in movies is an old idea–theaters used to have programs and buttons and collectibles and shit. I saw Panic Room at a theater in Japan in 2002 and I bought a really nice program in the lobby after the film–brilliant.

God I've been asking for that revolutionary idea since dvd (and burning) came into being. bring it on I say

Bra-freaking-vo.
I agree with all of this. I just came from an Avatar screening where the bulb was way too dim, and it made the only good thing about the movie (look) poor. I'm down with all of this, and I would support a local theater a lot more in a heartbeat if they implement a few of the things above (better projection, ushers, and assigned seats mainly).

I'd like to agree with Neely #31. I'm a projectionist at a Regal theater (chud is one of the few sites we get at work) and seeing the boom is rarely our fault. I think Marie Antoinette was the last film that really had a boom mic in it and the print actually came with a memo stating something to the effect of: "Make sure to frame this up a bit so the boom mic doesn't come into frame." I definitely feel like that's the editor's fault, not mine. However, if you see a big black bar going horizontally through your film, then I'd like to apologize for that.
And at first, I was offended about the "get skilled projectionists" statement, but the more I thought about it, the more I agree. While I don't really want to be out of a job, I'd certainly love more training, but my boss is too stingy to pay for it. I can change xenon bulbs and fix splices and pretty basic stuff. . . but if there's any sound issues or something is REALLY wrong with the projector, I'm (and our patrons) are S.O.L. and I have to call our technician who is less than reliable. Also, I certainly wouldn’t mind getting paid what those old school union projectionists got paid.
But, overall, great article, I must say.

I agree. I would add an EMP pulse before the movie starts to disable everyone's cell phone.

Solid ideas. There's many times I've left the theater and gone to a store/iTunes to check the soundtrack out. Make that an easier experience and I'll pay the $1-2 extra the theater would charge me. And there's the Alamo Drafthouse and then there's every other theater out there. Man, I miss that place!

You know it's not even the babies. It's the old people that think they are at home watching TV.

Devin! these are good ideas. But none of them are economic for theaters:
1.Professional Projectionist = $$$$
2. Ushers= $$ and severe annoyance
3. Babies out = LESS $$$$ – parents are major consumers
4. Sell you crap = $$$$
You can't fix shit until you stop paying kodak, panavision, and everyone of these celluloid fanatics. The production stream is just too expensive. Down with film. Long live HD!

I hope to god someone in Hollywood is reading this. I went to a screening of Sherlock Holmes the other night that was plagued by loud talkers,texters,and an out-of-focus projector for at least the first hour of the movie. I walked out of that theatre CONVINCED that illegally pirating movies was the only way to go. As soon as I upgrade my computer,I will gladly join the bit-torrent brotherhood. If the studios want my money,theatres like the Arclight and the Drafthouse need to become the rule,not the exception.

Devin — so you're one of those assholes who shows up to the Arclight a minute before the movie starts and shuffles around in the dark two rows ahead of me trying to find your fucking seat while I'm trying to watch trailers. Get your ass out of Amoeba and show up 15 minutes before show time dammit.

I saw the midnight showing of Avatar at IMAX and a fucking couple brought a baby….I'm sorry but if you take a baby, or small children, to an adult movie (especially at midnight) you are extremely selfish and very rude.

Great article Devin. Seriously, I'm spreading this one around.

I'm on board with everything on this list, but I also agree with several of the previous posters that it's pretty unlikely any of this will ever get implemented. For some reason, a few years back a lot of business owners just decided that they could still get people's money even if the product or service they sell started to suck. And guess what? For the most part, they're right. I've had several experiences at the local theater of movies being out of focus, surround sound going out and taking WAY too long for someone to fix, annoying idiots bringing their kids to R-rated movies (Hannibal immediately comes to mind; some dipshit brought their 4-year old into the theater for that one and sat right behind me) and people leaving their cell phones on because they can't live without texting their friends for a couple hours. But people continue to pack the theaters, so what incentive do these owners have to improve their product? Personally, I've made the decision just not to go to movies at the local theater; I'll drive to a nearby town where I know I can have a decent experience. If we stop enabling these greedy douchebags they'll be forced to either improve what they're selling us or give up the business to someone who (hopefully) will. The only way to let these assholes know that they're fucking up is to not give them your money.

I agree with the projectionist comment. When I saw Fighting with my cousin we counted the number of scenes the boom mics showed up (21) and I thought it was because of the filmmaker. Oddly enough the one I totally agree with is selling more stuff. There should be a small stand outside the cinema of some of the bigger movies (I don't think the latest Matthew McConoughey female swoon fest needs a stand) that will sell you stuff like teaser posters, merchandise, and most importantly (in my opinion) soundtracks. A lot of times I've seen a movie and was like 'Wow, that's an amazing soundtrack' and then its a pain in the ass to track down. Having it right outside the theatre would be totally convenient. Don't agree with selling the dvd right as you leave the cinema though. Movies make a large chunk of their profit during their theatrical run on repeat viewings.

Great ideas. Watch as not a single cinema implements them. Watch as they complain of falling numbers, despite the highest grosses in history as an excuse as to why they won't be implemented.
It's the wal-martification of the theatre experience. Once I'm rich enough to own a decent home theatre, and day and date gets closer, I'll never go to the movies. Except for the odd Imax experience like Avatar (my girlfriend saw it on a normal screen and the 3D WAS misprojected, plus kids running everywhere).
I've just been burnt so many times. Especially when a chain here introduced assigned seating to save on cleaning the cinema. Guess what? Everyone was crammed into the one corner of the cinema next to each other right up the back. I just never go to that chain anymore.
I also DO agree with merch. That's just about the only time I will buy shit, right after I've seen it. Anything based on a book you would think would be a no brainer to have books out the front.
Whenever I go to the MCA gallery, whoever was just on exhibition, the books are on big displays in the lobby.
Anyway, I'm about to see the Cremaster Cycle. I doubt I'll have texting retards to worry about there.

Yet another reason to move to Austin.

I'm a manager at a movie theater and have been a projectionist since day 1. I'm very good at what I do, I have a pretty stellar personal track record, and I've had very few major problems over the years that could have been prevented. While all of your suggestions are fine and good, most of the "hire more…" or "hire better…" suggestions are pretty unrealistic. As others have mentioned, it's all about making more money for the company while finding a way to pay the employees less. My chain preaches the importance of customer service, but we all know it's bullshit, and it's insulting that they would talk to us like we're customers and not the people who's job it is to make them more money. For instance, we got absolutely killed over this last week, but we're repeatedly told that payroll is too high, no matter what. Our per caps are good, our cost per customer is low, we're seeing more money come through the doors than ever, and we cut back where we can, but it's never good enough. The same people telling us this are the same people that would never dream of paying someone to be on cell phone/crying baby duty the entire time. If you'd ever worked at a theater or bothered to see how an average movie theater is operated (sorry, we don't get premieres or national media attention), you'd know that theaters that are in a relatively small market but part of a giant chain generally have no control whatsoever when it comes to making any sort of financial decisions for themselves. Also, don't you dare blame us for the boom mic problem, as it's clearly the filmmakers' fault. It's one thing to frame a movie properly (believe me, some movies are shot so poorly that that look out of frame even when they aren't), but it's another to have to cover for the mistakes of paid professionals that should know better. What's next? They fuck up the soundtrack, so we have to adjust the sound and insert music cues at various points of the movie too? The sloppiness also extends to trailers, as in the past we've been told to carefully frame or just outright remove certain trailers because of things like nudity. In a TRAILER. What studio looks at a trailer and goes "I know it has a cock in it, but there isn't another single usable frame from this 2 hour movie that we can put in this 2 minute trailer, so the cock has to stay! Approved!". I can go on and on, but I'd like to see more from other theater types, because again, while Devin does make some valid arguments, he really hasn't done his research and he really doesn't sound any different from anyone else that complains, complains, and complains but ends up giving us their money anyway. I know I'd do more to fix these problems if I could, but the decision makers don't even listen to us, so they certainly won't listen to YOU.

For some reason digital projection usually gets presented better. I thought the Landmark would get it together, but I've seen many out-of-focus, misaligned films there and the octegenarian crowd sure does chat a lot. At Benjamin Button somebody was translating the whole movie to their seatmate. Arclight is generally good, but I've sat next to many a talker there, too. Even at AFI fest or special screenings! And a second-run house like the Aero or Egyptian actually have a serious projectionist, but for some reason they still seem to draw out the morons (who laughed at every scene in Herzog's Nosferatu – like it was a comedy). It's true here in L.A. there is a lot of reserved seating (even at some AMC's) but I was really disappointed at the general crapiness of the movie-going experience. Even most Arclight auditioriums are echo-chambers (and don't even get me started on the Dome) and Laemmle is just a joke. Ok, so the theatre on the Paramount lot is pretty decent, but that doesn't really count. Maybe that's part of the reason Tarantino et al get their own giant screening rooms.

I remember maybe six or seven years ago when Jay Leno made some comment about people chatting on their cellphones and beepers going off during movies and it seemed like such a foreign thing to me. Of course that's before I moved out of Iowa (America's Canada) and joined the rest of the rude world of NYC. I had a guy having a conversation on his phone when I went to see Avatar…it took all my energy inside me not to scream at the bastard. And the people who brought up of AMC 42nd…JESUS CHRIST it's like the old west in there. I resently went to see The Road and had to listen to the FUCKING EMPLOYEES running their mouths in the hallways of the theater. The people that were actually getting paid with the money I spent were ruining the film experience. It's sad cuz we need BETTER people to run these place (but I understand how wildly unrealistic that is due to pay). But bar none the worst theatrical experience I EVER had was when I saw Halloween 2 (I can't even blame Rob Zombie for the crummy movie) cuz I had Tracy Morgan sitting behind me and he felt that he had to be Tracy Jordan and run his mouth through the movie. Seriously if I EVER meet Tracy Morgan again I will demand he owes me 12.50. I won't proclaim to be a saint, I'm quite the movie hopper (spent 6 bucks for 5 movies on Christmas) but I will never ruin the one thing I love most for anyone else…which is going to the movies. EVEN IF I'M TRACY MORGAN (Fuck that guy).

Totally agree with everything here. Its great that some people still care about the movie going experience. There is too many out there that treat it like killing time before they do whatever they have to do that night. Great commentary!

Best thing I've ever heard an asshole in a movie theater say: "That's how much Jared had." — In response to someone taking a garbage bag of weed out of safe in the movie Blow.

I can't remember the last time there was a talker or cellphone user during a movie I went to. Maybe the people here are a little more polite, and I also avoid the lower line theaters.

To me the big improvements would be much cheaper concessions and decent sound. I understand they're trying to make a profit, but spending $20 for popcorn and two drinks is obscene. Maybe you're profit per unit would go down, but I'd think their volume of sales would skyrocket if they had reasonable prices.

The only time the sound is any good and actual surround sound is the IMAX. The chains here are decent (Regal), but the sound is nothing special. It was bad when I was using a cheap surround system at home, after upgrading a bit I find the theater sound pathetic. God help you if you catch something that's not opening week and you get one of the dinky side theaters.

I used to really enjoy going to the movies, but the ticket price is getting ridiculous, concessions are absurdly overpriced, and the picture and sound are almost always better at home. I feel especially sorry for families that are looking at $30+ just to get in the door and $50+ if they want to get anything and make it a treat for the kids.

One other thing I would like to add – START the F@#$&@G MOVIE ON TIME!! This may not happen at places like the Arclight or Alamo, but at the regular theaters in my hometown the regular feature routinely starts 30 minutes after the posted time. And while we have a few minutes of trailers, the majority of time we are stuck with commericials or that stupid slideshow crap…..

Why wouldn't people just walk in, buy the DVD instead of seeing the movie in theatre, go home and watch it? That's a terrible idea!

Was up with this campain againzt texters? i like txting my homies during movies and telling if its gd or not. dont be dolts. it aints hurting noone.

This is why I don't go to movies opening weekend….ever. I usually wait until a movie drops into the bottom of the charts and then go see it on a weekday or weekend afternoon when there are only a few people in the theater. Yeah, it sucks to be out of the loop of discussion, but when you can kick back and actually enjoy the movie, it's gloriousl. Another reason I don't see movies with packed crowds? CLAPPING. Seriously, who the fuck claps during a movie? It's not a concert, the director/cast isn't there… why are you clapping?

I'm surprised so many americans disliked the reserved seat system… EVERY SINGLE theater here in Rio is like that and people love it.

also, for some reason, I no one seems to get good cel phone reception in theaters around here, which is nice.

Great points, Devin. I agree with them all, but also agree that it'll take a shitload of convicing for the big theater chain owners to bother implementing any of these ideas. Though, i could see the merchandising for select films during their initial two-week runs being something they'd consider for theaters where the space exists to display and vend the goods. Theater owners complaining about their continual decrease of revenue falls on deaf ears here. It's like the airlines or record labels' complaints of the same thing. THEY HAVE NOT EVOLVED. They need to consider alternative ways to drive revenue that break away from their "traditional" bread and butter methods (i.e. don't just raise ticket prices/fares, charge for baggage, etc.) I've been in favor of "reserve" seating in movies for years. Doesn't even need to be the whole theater or even for every theater. Just a portion of the "prime" seating area, mark it up for a bit of a premium, and hire a few extra ushers to stand by those areas as people arrive for the film. It works like that already at other theaters in LA. (Arclight, El Capitan).

I'm not sure about assigned seats. I'm willing to take a crappy seat if I show up late and it's my own fault, but if I know in advance that I've gotten a crappy seat through my online ordering, I'm likely to just cancel. As for ushers, they'd probably just end up policing outside food and drink, which would be bad. Other than that, it all sounds reasonable.

The ushers turn up pretty fucking quickly if you whip out a digital camera.

We all need to swear that between the production company logos and the credits at the end we do not talk, we do not reply to other people's questions and anyone who does gets the stink eye.

Time to take a stand.

Or, just don't go and see films that have a high douchebag quotient.

great and obvious points Devin!

Ticket prices are hovering around $10.00 in the New England area. It's difficult to understand why anyone would want to talk, text, etc. in a movie theater after shelling out that kind of money, let alone risk the vitriol of your fellow movie goers who wouldn't dream of it. Of course it happens all the time. With TVs growing larger, Netflix's ever growing library of "Watch it Now" films and tv series; not only are these good ideas it seems they're necessary ideas if the movie theater as we know it isn't going to go the way of the dinosaur.

Great article Devin. Most of my moviegoing experiences have been pleasant, but I do agree with what you've said, especially the part about the babies. Nothing pisses me off more than a parent who has a crying baby and just refuses to immediately take the kid outside to calm him/her down. I still remember going to see The Dark Knight and this one lady actually had the nerve to get an attitude when someone told her to get her child(who couldn't have been more than 2) under control. An usher finally came up and said something to her, and she left and never returned.

The solution to all of this is the Alamo Drafthouse. That's why it's pretty much exclusively where I see movies. All of the horror stories sound like fairy tales after spending years at this theater.

This all reminds me of the time some friends and I saw The Blair Witch Project in a packed house. We had these two teenybopper bitches complaining the whole fucking time. My buddy's girlfriend at the time turned around and said something to them. Of course they responded like the bitches they were and kept complaining. After a little bit they got up to go to the bathroom and actually left their drinks behind! My buddy grabbed one of their cups and hocked a big, salty loogie into it. The good news is, they came back, took a few sips from their drinks and then left for good, seemingly unaware of the gray-green glemmy lurking in one of their cups.

I love movies. I love cinema. Like everyone else here, I've got stacks and stacks and stacks of my favorite DVDs. But I'm not ever going back to a theater unless it's to take my 5-year-old to a Pixar movie where talking toddlers are par for the course. It's not just inconsiderate people, it's the fact that more and more people act like the douche in that blog post: they angrily tout their God-given right to talk anywhere they please. The Alamo Drafthouse sounds great, but I don't live anywhere near it. For me, the DVD release IS the release date. Haven't seen anything in a theater since UP. I mean, I could sit there and listen to people talking, or I could leave the auditorium to get an usher — either way, I'M MISSING THE FILM. Theaters suck because people, by and large, suck.

#5 is the most interesting point, though it might lessen the ability to cross-promote via fast food outlets. I'm all for getting rid of talkers, babies and texters.

I can honestly say people texting in theaters doesn't bother me. It's when they're talking on their cell phones and to their friends and just being rude, pompus assholes that bothers me. It's not like you can hear anything when people text. Seriously.

Somebody beat me to the Warren! We just moved to Dallas and I don't know of a theater that compares. They could work a little harder at enforcing their policies though.

All good ideas Devin, and all very realistic. Yes it would cost a few more bucks, but some chains have been very successful implementing similar ideas…it's just a business model and the resolve to hold to it. Too many theater chains use gimmicky tactics to to satisfy customers, instead of focusing on the presentation and experience.

Devin, assigned seating should be a mandatory requirement. Speaking from the perspective of someone who lived in Japan for a couple of years, I can attest that this is a foolproof system that actually works and I don't know why we haven't adopted it yet. You could show up early and pick whatever seat you wanted and you were guaranteed it. Also, they had merchandise booths where you could get the obligatory movie tie-in item after you walked out of the movie.

RCA, couldn't agree with you more, I can't think of a single midnight showing/premiere weekend visit in which I was more than marginally satisfied. btw Devin, my theater in VA actually sells toys/books/wands/lightsabers from films. and its a good idea

Ushers should be mandatory but the reality of it, at my local cinema, is a scrawny girl or chubby guy. They seldom do any actual "ushering" for the same reason everyone bitches about the texters or big mouth assholes. They're scared. I've come to notice that fewer and fewer civies understand what common courtesy is anymore. A theater is a shared experience so there's sure to be some sobbing or cheering or guffawing if the film is doing it's job. I don't mean to sound like a grouchy old man as I'm nowhere near innocent. I bring my kids to the movies all the time. But for fucks sake don't let some prick scare you out of the theater. Be polite when you tell them to shut the fuck up and watch like everyone else.

Well dang Devin, you managed to get through one post without even mentioning Avat-…

Wait. Oh there it is under note 2. Whew. Devin is the equivilant of those web designers from the 90s which put a bunch of unrelated key words on the webpage in the same color font as the background to fool search engines. Well I'm not fooled!

fixing focus and framing is simple. Change the green MPAA preview screen to an eye test with arrows in the corners.

as an assistant manager of a theater, I must say I agree with most of that list. I would love to have our employees bounce ass holes out of our theater. Course, people like Hulk-man would be pretty hard to get rid of. It was a random large guy that just flipped out while waiting in the concession line.
As far as the bulbs go, there's a surprisingly large process to go through to simply get new bulbs. In fact, you have to wear fire retardant clothes and a blast mask (seriously, a fuckin blast mask!) to change the bulb cause most are classified as potential explosives!

why doesn't chud start a michelin type rating system of movie theaters its something everyone could contribute to. you could have a movie theater of the weeks. good idea?

I live in Japan. I used to hate the fact that most movies don't come here, but I love this country when it comes to theatres, because everything you mentioned is done, for the most part. It should be, too, for $18.00 a ticket. There is always a programme with all movies, and it's usually worth buying. Japanese people don't even laugh at the movies pure golden silence until you get that family of four from America who have no ability to control their kids. But that is rare indeed.

When I got out of high school in the mid 70's, I got my first real fulltime job as an usher in a local theater.

I actually enjoyed (my sadistic nature I suppose) sneaking into the back of the auditorium, and with my trusty plastic flashlight by my side catching the a**holes of the time with their cigarettes, booze, and of course the talking parrots and either absconding their booty, or making them shut the hell up.

I also enjoyed the jerks with the feet draped over the backs of the seats in front of them, as if they were sitting in their crappy barco-loungers at home.

I'm all for a society of people who won't tolerate the current crap you see happen in theaters. Recently, while watching a movie I was trying to get into, some obnoxious tween girl was sitting behind us chatting up a storm. I literally turned around and told her to shut the f*ck up. She was appalled, but I got my point across.

If I were ever own a theater, I would hire the guys who looked like street corner hoods and give them night sticks. They would be the ushers of the future.

I guess that's just a prime example why you'd never own a theater; you'd be shut down in an instant lol.

You fatasses love the Alamo Drafthouse so you can shovel more burgers and pizza into your gaping maws while your not spewing retarded tripe about your pretentious movie views.

😀

The guys who are objecting to the boom mic comment are completely missing the point – often in bad theaters, the projectionist projects the movies with the wrong masking/aspect ratio.

We are NOT talking about a couple of dips of the boom that were missed in production and post. We're talking about a 1.85 frame instead of matted 2.35 (for example)- which means all the stuff above the intended frame is there for your viewing pleasure – this includes boom mikes and dolly tracks…

Doesn't happen too often, but I do recall in Sydney once during a screening of The Ref (1994), the masking and framing was off, and it was boom city all the way. Wasn't unti; I learned more about film that I realised that the film absolutely was not intended to be projected in the frame that it was. Audience was not a happy audience that night – and not just because the film isn't very good 🙂

There is reserved seating in most major theater chains in Australia. Its just second nature to book your seats before you go to the film. IMAX still hasn't got that idea and its a major pain to line an hour before hand to get decent seat. I can't believe you americans have to do that at normal theaters. Fucking suxs for you guys.

If you are one call, don't go to the cinema, simple solution. Doctor's etc are not on call 24/7 their entire lives. Go to the cinema when you don't have to be somewhere else as well. No apologies, zero tolerance

"When you go to the movies and see the boom mic in every shot – that's the projectionist's fault, not the filmmaker"

No it's not, it's the fault of the boom guy. Many a take has been stopped with a call of "boom in shot". You evidently know very little about making movies.

Guess that doesn't really matter to your sweary aggressive style of writing though! 🙂

And i hate it when that creepy guy sits next to me and feels me up. I'm like, uncle Marty…stop!

Bring bake drive ins. It'll take care of babies, talkers, phones, and uncle Marty's dirty hands. Not to mention the sticky floor….sorry about that. Damn you Marty!

Maybe it's just the location that I live in, but here in the Kansas City area we have 2 AMCs that fit that bill (their corporate headquarters is here, so that could do it). The 2 theaters are called AMC Mainstreet and AMC Studio 30. The Mainstreet is a glitzy 6 screen theater that has 3 normal theaters (reserved seating) and 3 "cinema suites" which are 21 and over with recliners and dinner. I've been to one of their normal theaters and was blown away by their 11 point surround sound system (ceiling speakers while creepy were cool). Personally though I like the AMC Studio 30 more so. They have 3 types of theaters; regular, the fork & screen and cinema suites. The fork & screen is basically the Alamo Draft House broken into 8 70-120 seat theaters that are 18 and older unless accompanied by whatever quantifies as a guardian today, their menu was pretty extensive, including Chicken Parmigiana. They also have 3 Digital theaters and a Digital IMAX, they were kind enough to admit this to me and said it was certainly not a 72 foot screen, but the best IMAX experience you could get besides traveling to a Major Major city. My girlfriend told me that when she and her friends went to the midnight of "New Moon" at the theater they were selling posters, totebags, as well as "Team Jacob" and "Team Edward" t-shirts. When I was there new years day to see Avatar with some friends I noticed 2 signs they had at their box office, one was letting people know they were no longer allowing outside food and drink to many peoples chagrins, and actually in forced at at their ticket box. The other note mentioned that now they were no longer allowing parents to take any kids under 6 to an R-rated movie.
Their concession stand was the only thing that confounded me was their concession stand. Instead of the norm, they have something like a convenience store, one place to get popcorn, one for hot foods, one for coffee, an ice cream area, sandwiches, then a wall for fountain drinks. It was weird and not sure how it would do when busy.
Just thought I'd mention it since, well it covered most of the things that you covered in your article. If they had an "ACTUAL" Imax, then I would see every movie there.

Some of these ideas could be the demise of film going as a past time. Movie tickets would jump to $50 and up and the experience then leap frogs to "Event" and available mostly to the elite. Broadway did it and while they're making money, many artists hate it. There's no place for most of them anymore, because it's not an artists outlet anymore. The general public is not interested anymore because they were excluded years ago. I believe that, although an ugly word, "segregation" and the introduction of other means of revenue would be the cheap way to go. "Family" theaters, auditoriums, and/or hours, restricted (to quiet, adult audience) viewings for any film save those specifically for children/families. Revved up concessions and bars, dining rooms, gift shops, expanded pre/post show activities etc. Changes on the cheap can save this great past time.

I live in London Ontario Canada

One theater here does have reserved seating, ushers, and is 18+.
They also serve concessions and have a complete restaurant menu and serve liquor! Delivered by waiters to your seats.

The seats are very large, leather, and recline like a lazy-boy.
The screens are quite large and the sound is good as well.

You have to pay $5 more for it though. $15 CAD and $18 for 3D.

Still worth it in my opinion.