I’m at a bar in the corner writing (don’t judge me) and Seether’s cover of Careless Whisper came on just as I got the email from Variety harbingering that Paramount’s got a big screen Gilligan’s Island in the works. If a minotaur were here and playing Go Fish with a priest all the three pieces would have been in place to bring about the return of Azazel and the deserved end of mankind.

Instead I got the lame music and shitty movie news. So I’m sharing them with you!

The remake/reboot/retard is being written by an entity known as Brad Copeland. I call him an entity because his resume rapes Barbara Hershey. From Variety:

“Copeland’s currently writing “Flight of the Navigator” for Disney, and
his credits include “Wild Hogs” for Disney along with “Monster Squad”
and “Yogi Bear” at Warners. Smallscreen credits include Fox’s “Arrested
Development” and NBC’s “My Name Is Earl.”

Three hellish remakes AND Wild Hogs. That might actually be the Hollywood equivalent of a minotaur playing Go Fish with a priest. However, the line in the Variety article (it’s here but don’t be surprised if it redirects to them trying to sell you an insane subscription) that truly got me was this:

“Logline’s being kept under wraps.”

Folks, you can release the script on the internet and show us all the storyboards and it’s not going to change a thing. It’s Gilligan’s Island, not fucking Lost or Treasure of the Four Crowns.

They have Michael Cera in mind as a possible for the role of Gilligan. Michael, I know you read the internet. And I know you’re smart. So if given the choice between saying no to this or drugs, do the right thing.

So the gist of this article: FUCK EARTH.

Motherfucker just played the song on the jukebox again.