The eyebrows of Colin Farrell are going to be fighting for your focus for the first time in their eyebrow lives as fangs enter the picture. That’s two phenomenal features on an Irishman [first time for everything I suppose], talk about an embarrassment of riches. Serious, Mr. Farrell’s eyebrows are so fanciful that I’m having a hot flash right now and I’m straight. Not straight were a chunk of Fright Night‘s delightful Stephen Geoffreys’ porn films under the moniker of Jack Skinner. He took it HARD after Fraternity Vacation and Fright Night, giving and receiving massive bounties of sperm all the while having fans like me hoping he snapped out of it in time to do a sequel to Heaven Help Us.
But this is a Fright Night remake article, so enough about the gay porn career of Stephen Geoffreys, whose amazing work as Evil Ed in the Tom Holland original helped elevate it from cool flick to 80’s horror classic.
Before I forget though, one of my first 14.4 baud image downloads on the Prodigy network was the result of a search for Stephen Geoffreys, one which revealed slowly over the course of about five minutes his naked flesh and he was pounded by oily, naked pa-heeenis. I was searching for a desktop of a great genre character and I got homosex.
Of course I let the download finish. I treated it as 976-EVIL extended universe material. I think Stephen Geoffreys is less aerodynamic after that video shoot.
So there’s a Fright Night remake coming, one with no director I could find. Maybe it’s a secret. Maybe my research is ass. Maybe they’re going to hire someone after production to direct it. I can think of a few studios who’d like it that way. In addition to Anton Yelchin (whom I’m sure is a good guy but has been the weak link in most films I’ve seen him in) and Toni Collette, Farrell makes a triumverate to be reckoned with. He’ll play Jerry Dandridge, the evil lead vampire originally essayed by the most boring man in film history, Chris Sarandon.
Could be interesting, could be a pounding headache.
Which reminds me of Stephen Geoffreys’ gay porn career…
18 comments
This was a nice blog post. Very enjoyable.
How was Anton Yelchin the weak link in Terminator Salvation?
Star Trek, Terminator Salvation, Charlie Bartlett, Alpha Dog, Taken… I've seen all but Alpha Dog and Yelchin's talent is anything but weak.
Hi, I'm Wendell Tvedt, and these are my friends Joe and Mother!
I'm sorry, was that an article, or the stream-of-consciousness ramblings of a schizophrenic?
Chris Sarandon is hardly "the most boring man in film history". That title should go to Robert Pattinson.
Bullshit, that title goes to Steven Lack. The only time that guy ever worked in a movie was in All the Vermeers in New York where his character was the most boring man ever.
Did Renn-fuck Brown edit this piece of shit? Motherfucker, and you own this site, you aint Harry Knowles Strive to be just a little bit better. All this "article" is lacking is exclamation points. Fuck you.
Farrell playing Dandridge is a fucking terrible idea. He's too short, got too little gravitas and while he may be a complete shagger in real life, seeing him play a seducer onscreen would be comical. He shouldn't even be allowed to watch the original Fright Night, let alone play a character from it. Fucking terrible news. Yelchin was good casting for Charlie so there had been some hope for this at least not being an embarrassment compared to the perfect – PERFECT – original film. All that is now gone. They had a great idea out there about having it go 'real world' with a kid finding Sarandon to help him against a real vamp – that would have been an amazing film, I've no doubt plus it would've had the distinction of not being a shitty remake. Yelchin and Sarandon, I would've paid to see that over and over. I'm going to uselessly spit venom at this remake now on every talkback I find. Fucking Farrell as Dandridge? A 4'8" midget with a permanent Guiness haze? Awful, awful, awful news. As to the article, I don't give a rat's ass what Stephen Geoffrey's did after he left mainstream film – if he had fun, good for him. He played one of the important roles in the one, sacred perfect horror film to me and that's all I care about. He really did elevate that movie and considering he was in a cast against Roddy McDowell and Chris Sarandon, that's no small praise. Perfect film. This remake however, thanks to this casting alone, is doomed.
According to JoBlo, the director is Craig Gillespie.
Wouldn't be awesome if Anton saw episodes of Hermans Head and then sought out the lead of that to help him fight vampires? No, I guess that would be balls.
Where are most of these commenters coming from? Articles like Nick's are what CHUD has always been about. That's the appeal of the WEBSITE. This is not a blog. This isn't quite a breaking news site
Nick, this post was a thing of beauty.
I love unfunny, longwinded wannabe comedy! It's so adorable.
No, Mike. This is a terrible piece of writing that buries important information in an avalanche of mangled sentences and jokes that don't make sense. Try reading that first paragraph aloud. It's a wordfuck. You don't have to immediately defend EVERYTHING Chud does to be a loyal fan.
I actually had Thanksgiving dinner with Stephen Geoffreys (Miller, actually) about 12 years ago. My stepdad was sponsoring him through A.A.. He was shocked that I knew who he was and graciously listened as I gushed his ear off about how much I loved his work. Helluva nice guy who fell on hard times and definitely deserves a comeback.
"Don't mock the Wolfman!""
Jesse Hammer, if you step-dad is in AA than you should know that it's not cool to break someone's anonymity.
I meant AAA. The automobile club. He had a flat.
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