Boilerplate intro talking about Hollywood’s history of competing projects with same concept. Insert hilarious and timely Armageddon and Deep Impact gags here.
Express mild interest in news scoop that David Fincher could direct a 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea movie for Disney. Explain history of project, including McG’s short involvement. Make a Minnie Mouse head in box/Seven joke. Analyze scifi elements, desperately search for connection to Rendezvous with Rama, a scifi film to which Fincher was attached. Mention that Soderbergh regular Scott Z Burns is writing script.
Mention second project at Fox. Disparage Fox. Explain this is Timur Bekmambetov project; make joke insinuating Bekmambetov takes on too many projects and makes none of them. Describe film’s setting as futuristic.
Wrap up with half-assed analysis. Make wild guesses as to the nature and future of two completely unknown projects. Attempt to speak for all readers by coming down on the side of one specific project. Speculate on Fincher’s upcoming projects.
19 comments
Chuckle. Snide comment.
Brilliant.
Meta.
Lament verification system… oh wait, nevermind. That was excellent.
Insert unrelated and sophomoric fat joke aimed at writer because reader self hates. Insert lame comment about writer being terrible wanna be. Add more frivolous comments that only prove how worthless commenter is. Hide behind silly user name which keeps self concealed.
Although this is some sort of possibility, bring on Rendezvous with Rama, dammit! I'd love to see Fincher do some full-on scifi.
Make fun of Devin.
Uninteresting, uninsightful comment.
Which one of these is Will Smith attached to, if either any more?
Insert counter-rant aimed at deconstructing post #5. Point out obvious self-hate and worthlessness of poster despite it being obvious to begin with.
And THIS is why I've been coming here for 10 years.
haha I like the way you wrote this one..
#6 and lots of others. Absolutely nothing happens in Rendezvous with Rama. There's some real interesting ideas in it, but it's static (on purpose) and not particularly cinematic. It would make a terrible movie.
More Classics Illustrated huh? @#13: The sequel has "added drama". Mostly silly stuff, but if they were desperate for more middle-of-the-road story dynamics there's original material to draw on.
Whine about how Hollywood is stuck in remake mode.
Question where all the creative people went.
Pine for nonexistant good old days.
(social reference)
Random thought while fapping. Stop to check Wikipedia.
Schizopolis!
You guys playin' cards?
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