Last week I was offered my pick of phoner opportunities with the cast and filmmakers of Piranha 3D; ‘Cool,’ I said, ‘When’s the screening.’

There is no screening. Not even for interviews. The film is being completely and totally hidden – even from the people whose jobs it is to do interviews with the stars. I turned the interviews down because I don’t do release-timed interviews without seeing the movie. What is there to talk about if I haven’t seen the work?

I don’t know if this means the film is atrocious or if the studio just doesn’t understand that some people actually like movies that look as silly and over the top as this one. I guess nobody will know until opening weekend, when I’ll be paying to see the film.

But while I can’t ogle Kelly Brook, one of the stars, in the movie, I apparently can ogle her in Playboy on Friday. She’s the cover girl of the new issue, and the same publicists who told me they were hiding the entire film from me were happy to completely bare Brook for me in another context. Hit your newstand this weekend – if you’re still old fashioned and don’t wait for scans to show up online – and do whatever it is you need to do while looking at this stunning woman nude.