21. Has anyone really asked if they were?


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Seriously, what does one think they’re accomplishing with a bumper sticker like this? It’s not like one of the typical “I’m proud of my religion” or “Maybe someone will read my car and change their outlook on life” ones. There is no one who was wrestling with which four of the ten they most want to adhere to. What there MAY be is someone who is living their life the best they can and upon seeing this jerk in front of them, has to figure out if a little nudge off a cliff is considered a sin.


22. The Drink That Empties Itself In You.


Photo by Rafael Coehlo.


I’ve run pictures of this before, but I can’t get enough Cock.



23. Greaser’s Paradise.


Photo by Renn Brown.


Hard to believe a guy that looks like that needs any help getting a lady juiced.

Also, what exactly does ‘Lubrication History’ entail? Actually, forget I asked.



24. Truth in Advertising II: The Early Years.


Photo
by Robert Chappell.


I think Gold Digger Ministries is the most refreshingly honest business since they opened the Raped Childhood Crisis Center at the Skywalker Ranch.


25. “Have you tried the new Cool Ranch Field & Stream?”


Photo by The Pink Death.


This is what literature has become.

At least the new Laura Pringles Wilder book’s out.

26. So much cuter than Mreasts or Mits.


Photo by Will Shulik.


It’s not like folks wake up and all of a sudden they’re the Gluttony kill in Seven.

You might see this shit coming, so don’t get all ashamed now.


By the way…



“Father lets me put sprinkles on all my food!”

Message Board Thread.

11. But how did they find the first floor?


Photo by John Makarewicz.


“This is a beautiful home. I couldn’t help but notice there were windows above the windows in the room.”

“Yes. Your eyes were not playing tricks on you.”

“How would one possibly see if there are rooms attached to those windows?”

“We’d have to all go upstairs. On foot.”

“Wow! What are those jagged rectangles of wood ascending up the hallway there?”

“Those lead upstairs, but you wouldn’t have known that. Let me call the sign company so others don’t befall the same fate as you.”




12. This person needs a chauffeur. Is Henri Paul available?


Photo by John Makarewicz.


For some reason this is even more infuriating than the rest of the infuriating Twilight bullshit. Which is no easy feat.



13. Decades of progress. And now this.


Photo by Joshua Ewald.


This person actually fucking exists. This isn’t something from an outtake of Eastbound and Down or something. This. Actually. Exists. This person shares the world with you. Know that and then pray for a swift apocalypse.



14. XLNURD.


Photo
by Joshua Ewald.


There’s no real good time to proclaim your love for DC Villains, but when you’ve done well enough for yourself to afford an ill-colored Lexus perhaps it’s time to enjoy what you’ve attained and not draw attention to yourself.


15. Truth in Advertising.


Photo by Mike DiGrazia.


I want to know what the chef’s regular lies are like too.

16. For all of us who like to cut shit in the dark.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


I jest, but just the other day I was trying to cut a recipe out of a magazine printed on a black hole and couldn’t.


17. WHOSE Favorites?


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


“I’m looking for a new genre to blow my chops away and enhance my diverse love of film!”


“Well here’s a DVD that will fuck your ass bloody and ragged about Westerns.”


18. Well, who’d know better than him I suppose…


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


Lou’s a good guy and I’m not trying to make an example of him. This is about Facebook’s idiocy about some things.

Please… Please… Please don’t allow for people to be the ones who send ‘LIKE’ requests on themselves. Regardless of the intent it makes folks look conceited in a not good way. It’s just a damn dumb policy. With that said, you should go ‘like’ Lou Tambone.

19. Goes great with a child’s coffin.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


There’s an unsettling lack of enthusiasm with this pancake and it scares me. I think the cold and utter disdain for a child’s happiness is evident in every cranny of this solemn dead-eyed foodbear. The blood puddle or “nose” seals the deal and guarantees that this meal is laced with a heavy narcotic so that when the child eats it, they will soon be unconscious and ready to be dragged through the kitchen into the destruction chamber where they are lovely boned until there is no more of them.

This is the officially endorsed food product from that scene in Running Scared.


20. The Official Movie Tie-In for ‘What’s Love Got to Do With It?’.


Photo by Nick Nunziata.


That’s all I got. A wife beating joke…

AND THAT’S ALL I NEED!

You think we’re done? WHAT ABOUT THE NEXT PAGE?

PAGE THREE.



What

follows
is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that

showcase
the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.

Folks
who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles

should
find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out

of
the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to

another
installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may

tickle
your fancy.

ASSORTED DUMB SHIT


1. Simbalism.


Photo by Andrea Rothe.


I think sets a very good example for you boys and girls. You pull a penis enough and the right way and you get a reward.


2. (Susan) Smith & Lessons.


Photo by Andrea Rothe.



Things I learned from this:

  • Yie Ar Kung Fu injuries still happen.
  • Some dudes just walk the fuck away from their kids like a gunslinger when the mood strikes.
  • Gray aliens do pull-ups to strengthen their arms for abduction drills.


3. “So Mountain is his first name…”


Photo by Andrea Rothe.



Look at the utter lack of passion for their drinks!



4. Vehicular Spermacide.


Photo by Andrea Rothe.


I’ll go from hating to loving this person if they wreck and their car turns into a cannoli, all John Spartan style.


5. Excellent choice for a drive-by.


Photo by Andrea Rothe.



I’ve had this denial thing going on, thinking that there aren’t any real Justin Bieber fans and that he’s like this Twitter bot that is kind of a virus that that takes on the persona of a CGI moppet/meme/nightmare but of no consequence in reality. Then cold splashes against my tired face in the form of photos like this and thousands of horrible teen magazines at the bookstore.

Being old sucks.

6. There’s a problem with this?


Photo by Drew Dietch.


Way to ruin it for everyone, Rawhead Rex!


7. Worst crusade ever.


Photo by Evan Dickson.


The ‘murder’ WAS the justice, idiots!


8. Coming this fall to Nickelodeon!


Photo by Jeremy Kinney.


The Network Pitch: ‘It’s basically Animaniacs with an accent and dead eyes.’

9. If a bird ain’t screamin’ you ain’t doin’ your job.


Photo by Joe Poulson.


“I’m looking for smallest parrots.”


“You’re in luck, and let me tell you… these are entelligent.”



“You mean smarter than smart?”


“They are so entelligent that they outsmart their own dumb. And I’ve taught them sixteen non-scream words.”



“What if I need some screamers? I’m a huge fan of parrots with broadcast voice.”


“Well these are a special low decibel breed, but I’m going to give you a discount for the pair that is the exact price of buying them separate.”



“Well I still have my ability to scream. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”


10. We got the Dick Lion in the first picture and now we got…


Photo by John Makarewicz.


You know Dick Tiger’s a boxer because he got so much ribbing as a child. It’s hard not to get in fights when you’re named after the terrible penis of a wildcat. But few know that Dick Tiger was a docile man and after being defeated by the popular Gene Fullmer (birth name Panther Nutz) he retired to a quiet life under the low profile assumed name of Oyster Pussy.

You think we’re done? We have TWO MORE PAGES TO GO!

PAGE TWO.