Richard Branson is bored. He’s conquered all manner of commercial land
transportation, and claims to be two years away from commercial space
travel. I believe him. So what else is the second coming of Howard
Hughes to do but make movies?
So that’s what he’s doing. According to Deadline Hollywood Daily, Branson is teaming up with Relativity Media and McG for Columbus.
No, it’s not going to be about space shuttles or the International
Space Station. It’s about everyone’s favorite instigator of genocide,
Christopher Columbus. It’s just any boring old historical epic, either. This will be a “300-style film about Christopher Columbus and his discovery of America.”
Electric
guitars. Green-screened Bahama islands. Spanish sailors screaming into
vicious waves. Smallpox rendered with lurid, digitized make-up. Perhaps
a softcore sex scene or two. Given its hints of “edginess”, maybe this
will be the first Columbus movie that finally
shows him going insane, being locked up, and claiming the world is
shaped like a woman’s breast. I can see it all … and I’d rather see a
movie about Leif Ericson. (I don’t know about the rest of my fellow
Scandinavians, but I’m still wondering where our holiday is. Parades
with Viking ships would be so much better than Columbus Day protests.)
Besides,
if you’re really itching for a challenge, Mr. Bronson, why not come to
America and solve our mass transportation problems? I’d much rather have
Virgin Trains (with those cups of tea, prawn crisps, comfy seats, ample
leg room ….) than a CG-rendered Christopher Columbus. But that might
just be me.
2 comments
Anyone else remember when Branson threw a glass of water in Stephen Colbert's face? And he didn't do it in a friendly way, either. But you're right, he does make nice trains. I guess just because a guy is a douche doesn't mean he's not useful.
Remember back in 1992 when there were TWO Columbus flicks that came out and neither of them made any money? I think "1492" led to Ridley Scott going away for a while. I think I remember the VHS box for that thing saying something like "Over 6 Million Dollars made in theaters!" when it probably cost like 10 times that to make. It'll be interesting to see how they're able to "300"-ize a movie about a guy that got a holiday named after him just for not knowing how to follow directions.
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