Back in the futuristic year 2000, Tarsem Singh (sometimes known as just Tarsem) made a little movie with Jennifer Lopez called The Cell. I really hated that movie. True story. Because I hated that movie so much – which was just Marylin Manson music video imagery pretending to be a movie – I never saw Tarsem’s next film The Fall until several months ago. I was happily surprised to discover that The Fall is vastly superior to The Cell. But my hate for The Cell still burns hot beneath the surface, like the coal fires of Centralia, PA, so I’m not sure how to feel about Tarsem’s newest endeavor, Immortals, a Greek mythology actioner featuring Mickey Rourke in the most comically awfonderful helm I’ve ever seen — sort of an evil bunny with a Sarlacc maw. The film, well, let’s just watch the trailer…
So. Hmm. Yeah. It looks cool. But The Cell looked cool. Sucker Punch looked cool. Speaking of Suck Punch (see what I did there?!), the film stars our new Superman, Henry Cavill as Greek legend Theseus. Story goes: when the Titan Hyperion (Rourke) declares war on humanity, he quests for the Bow of Epirus. Created by Ares, the god of war, the bow which will allow Hyperion to free the rest of the Titans and take revenge on Mount Olympus. As is always the way, the gods need a mortal champion — Theseus (Cavill), is chosen by Zeus (Luke Evans) to wreck some shit. He is accompanied by the priestess Phaedra (Freida Pinto) and a slave (Stephen Dorff), to protect his homeland and save the gods. The film seems to play pretty fast and loose with Theseus’ myths, but whatever. It’s not like its based on a book or real life, so who gives a shit. Robert Maillet (the giant guy from Sherlock Holmes) is playing the coolest aspect of Theseus’ legend, the Minotaur, and I’m kinda surprised they didn’t throw a glimpse of the beast in the trailer.
Gotta say, I really can’t see Superman in Cavill here. Though maybe it is just the material. The “big speech” he gives in this trailer actually made me chuckle out loud it is so hacky-stupid. Rourke looks like he’s going to be a lot of fun here (I love that he looks at his nails after he cuts that woman’s throat), but this looks pretty rote otherwise. Although I did enjoy the old-tech riff on the Iron Man multi-kill at the very end.
12 comments
This looks completely ridiculous. I think I must see it.
This looks fun. Count me in.
Love the old-school D&D cartoon energy bow. Always did want one of those.
Is this a joke? This has to be a joke. No, seriously, this MUST be a joke.
Boy, the Syfy channel’s movies get more polished looking every year.
He looks like the kid from Where the Wild Things Are ascended to godhood.
Glad people are finally cluing in to what I said on the boards months back: The emperor has no clothes and Henry Cavil is TERRIBLE. Enjoy your new Superman, Internet
Come back Snyder and Miller. All is forgiven!
Holy shit, that looks terrible. Can we stop letting people who think “Voltron” when they hear the word “classics” make movies now?
I disagree. Some
I disagree. Some of the trailer imagery seemed almost designed to invoke a Superman vibe – the accent on his muscles when drawing the now, the intense hurtling through the air down to earth, the wretched limbs as he jumps somewhere. All of those things seem fine. The delivery of the speech – well that’s going to come down to quality of script and direction. Way too early to be sharpening daggers on Cavill.
Eh. Looks more entertaining than Real Steel.
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