BUY IT AT AMAZON: STUDIO: Warner Home Video
MSRP: $20.99
RATED: PG
RUNNING TIME: 98 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
• Commentary
The Pitch
Remember that sense of wonder and magic you had as a kid when you saw Star Wars? Hold on to that…hard.
The Humans
Matt Lanter, Ashley Eckstein, James Arnold Taylor, Dee Bradley Baker, Tom Kane, Nika Futterman, Ian Abercrombie, Catherine Taber, Matthew Wood, Kevin Michael Richardson, Anthony Daniels, Christopher Lee.
The Nutshell
In a kick-off to the planned 100-episode CGI cartoon of the same name, Clone Wars covers all of the stuff we really wanted the Prequel Trilogy to be about but were skipped over. The war is in full swing, with Dooku, the Droid Army and the Separatists against Obi-Wan, Anakin, the Clone Troopers and the Republic. Throw in bad marionette animation that looks like a shitty homage to Team America rather than the Thunderbirds, a host of badly-thought out characters, and you have the latest Star Wars fan-pisser-offer.
“Be mindful of the Dark Side, Anakin. On its path lies fear, anger, hate, suffering.”
“I got married and didn’t tell you.”
“Oh, well you already know then, don’t you…”
The Lowdown
Devin covered the theatrical release of this film here. Pretty damn accurate to what we all think when we see this movie, I’d say. I don’t want to go into the whole Prequel Trilogy disappointment rigamarole. That’s a horse that’s been not only beat to death, but already shipped off to the glue factory. What I want to get into is one simple thing concerning George Lucas and the current state of the Star Wars universe: choices.
“Master Skywalker, one of the Clone Troopers said something that I didn’t understand.”
“What is it?”
“He asked me if I wanted to see his Schwartz…”
Star Wars: The Clone Wars is exactly what George Lucas wants it to be, what he chose it to be. He wanted the supermarionation look to honor the Thunderbirds. He didn’t want the movie and the series to look like Beowulf or any of the Pixar and other modern CGI movies because he wanted the franchise to have its own distinctive look. He wanted to use the kidnapped Huttlet story because he was inspired by the Sonny Chiba samurai movie, Shogun’s Shadow. He chose to go with Warner Bros. instead of Fox for the first time ever in a Star Wars theatrical production. He chose to go with the eliminating the opening crawl for the opening voiceover and he chose the writers, the music, the character design, everything. Many of Lucas’ choices regarding Star Wars over the last decade have been as assailed as the man himself. So you can either except the fact that Lucas is going to do things his way – come hell or high water – and move on, or not accept it and fuel the Star Wars sucks acrimony from now until perdition. I personally don’t advocate either choice. I’m just laying it out there.
“So they call you Fisto, right?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s your actual name?”
“Yeah.”
“How is that?”
“Don’t know. George said it was an in-joke to what he was doing to his fanbase…”
Now, be that as it may, there still is this movie in front of us, exactly as Lucas wanted it. So what’s to be made of it? Well, it pretty much shores up the notion that Lucas is catering to the youngsters more than he is the thirtysomethings who grew up on the franchise and powered it to the heights it previously achieved. There’s no depth of character to be found here. The dialogue is aimed at 10-year-olds and under like a sniper scope. The battles are repetitious. The droids are dumb and cute. Ahsoka’s behavior goes contrary to everything Yoda teaches: she craves adventure, excitement. A purple, effeminate Hutt reminiscent of Truman Capote that speaks Basic (English) very well is Lucas’ direct choice. None of that matters anymore, because humans that are younger than The Phantom Menace aren’t going to care about things like that. And those of us that do, well, it’s not like we’re really in Lucas’ field of vision anymore are we?
“We’re getting our asses kicked here!?”
“So what can we do about it?”
“Let’s head over to the Galactic Civil War section and see if it’s any easier…”
What do those of us that were alive when the first movie came out want? We want The Empire Strikes Back in everything with the Star Wars label that comes out. Hell, we’d settle for Return of the Jedi on everything with the Star Wars label that comes out. Well it’s pretty clear – and has been for some time now – that we’re not going to get that. We may never get it again. Those first three movies were lightning in a bottle that a young George Lucas caught that the current incarnation has lost touch with. Revenge of the Sith is about as good as it’s going to get. Which is even more tragic to us because there are elements where Lucas and company do get it right – namely the video games. Ever play Bounty Hunter? Great game. Cut scenes are even Star Wars-worthy, and fed into the Prequel Trilogy very nicely. Battlefront II is one of the biggest selling games of the last decade and widely praised. Force Unleashed and Knights of the Old Republic are also quite good, or at least not disappointing, I’ve heard and read.
“I apologize, Master Yoda. We lost General Grievous’ ship in an ion storm. I -” *chokes*
“Apology accepted, Commander…”
What does it say that Lucas has had five years to develop The Clone Wars, even after the first animated Clone Wars micro-series came out that is infinitely better and much more praised than this incarnation? That many of the mistakes that have been loathed and lamented about the Prequel Trilogy are back in spades in this movie and this TV series? That these characters are as wooden – by literal design even – as Lucas’ Prequel Trilogy dialogue? It tells us that our time in the Star Wars universe is over, or is ending. And that the next generations are paramount now. Such a shame that they’re growing up on stuff like this. Us over-30 crowd were the lucky ones. Hold onto your memories of Star Wars yesteryear. That’s about all we have left.
R4: “WTF?, Kenny?! Is that you in there?”
R2: “Yeah, what of it?”
R4: “But this is an animated film!”
R2: “Screw you man, it’s still a gig…”
The transfer of the film is basically flawless. Whatever you want to say about Lucas and Star Wars, you can’t complain about the quality of his images. Sound is also fine. This single disc version has a commentary only. I didn’t bother with it.
19 comments
Fart.
Queef.
bumsmells
SUCKLE THE SUCKINESS. PURE SHITBALLNESS EVER SINCE THE EWOKS.
Some kid's going to worship this movie for the rest of his life. How sad is that. How sad are we… Well I'll never let go of my love for the original star wars! NEVER! It's not all the same! Star wars used to be good! *cries*
nice sum-up, David. You hit the right notes of defeat.
I don't get it. Whenever a property is released with Lucas' name on it a bunch of screaming fanboys go on a whine about it. I was one of those fanboys until I realised I didn't want to be that anymore. I wanted to enjoy rather than dissect and as a result I can watch this movie and it's tv show and can be mildly entertained for a short part of my mundane life. This isn't a review – it's a finger pointed and wagged at George Lucas – the same thing I saw in the reviews for Indy IV. This is why I have no respect for film critics.
What's with Obi-Wan's beard? It looks like he's had planks of wood shoved into his face.
I'm only here for the screen-shot jokes.
I don't have to eat shit to know what it tastes like. I've stayed away from this franchise after seeing episode one. I think I made the wise choice.
"So you can either except the fact that Lucas is going to do things his way – come hell or high water"
Well done with the spelling and grammar.
…if everyone hates the prequels so much…
…why do you make caption jokes referring to them?…
…git…
No, I think kids will wise up and understand the nature of the prequels, and will have the better appreciation for the originals.
I think everbody has to realize that the entire Star Wars Universe is damaged, and has been since before Episode 1 "graced" us. Subpar comics, crappy collections of short stories (like the Tales from… series), and crappier novels. Mr. Lucas then came back with his "enhanced" special editions, and I think everyone realized that the hope they held for the prequels was wasted. Lucas will do whatever he feels like, and continue to be wealthier than all of us combined. Sure, the Universe could use some new talent, but it won't happen until Lucas dies, and the torch is passed. I don't have as many complaints as most, because it is just meant to entertain. Some things really piss me off, but again, it's not my bible or way of life. That would actually be pretty pathetic. I think everyone just needs to know that whenever anything "new" comes out with the Star Wars stamp on it (at least as long as it's Lucas canon), it will underwhelm. End of rant.
Right, give me $500,000 and I'll take out Lucas at his ranch. Seems like a fair deal. All you geeks put your money together and Lucas goes down, leaving his legacy to be placed into the hands of someone who actually still cares about Star Wars.
A calm and more mature look at modern Star Wars. Pretty Refreshing for a web review. I didn't mind the prequels (liked Sith) but HATED this. But here's the thing – when I don't like something, I move on, instead of fannying around like a spoilt brat. Move on folks.
True. Truthy. Truth. Such rational and even-handed analysis is why I've chosen to like you, David Oliver. You can finally breathe a sigh of relief and crack open that bottle you've been saving, because you have my endorsement. Someday Star Wars will be good again, even if it's only by accident, and that will be just dandy. But there is plenty of nerd shit out there to be enjoyed until then. It's a good thing that adults are learning to appreciate or loathe something based on it's own merits and not because it has Star Wars stamped on it anyway.
at least theres no more dirt and grime on everything that made the originals so realistic/engrossing.. now it looks like i can reach out and grab these poorly drawn action figures and play with them in the back of my dads Hybrid Hummer pickup while I watch the cartoon in the headrest tv.. win!
Well,look at it this way, it's already nearly doubled it's original 2 out of 10 score. I think all those that piled on with an overly negative view when it first came out have at least had time to calm down and realize what this is. It's a TV cartoon that had it's debut on the big screen. As a Star Wars fan I appreciated the chance to see it on the big screen, and treat it as reading a Star Wars comic. Kids of today are getting THIS, we got Droids and Ewoks. You HAVE to view that as an improvement. I've not yet seen any of the episodes yet (due to being in the UK and not bowing down the Rupert Murdoch's Sky Empire) but I'm looking forward to doing so, sitting down with my bro and his son and watching some more Star Wars. Whine and whinge all you like, but this is Lucas' baby and frankly, despite everything, I'm still glad he's still in Emperor mode. Breathe and relax and try to enjoy it. If not then move along, move along.
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