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STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
MSRP: $29.98
RATED: PG
RUNNING TIME: 86 minutes
SPECIAL FEATURES:
- Trailers
- Introduction to Film with Ashley Tisdale
- The Ashley Encounters
- Deleted Scenes
- Gag Reel
- Behind the Zirkonians
- Meet the Zirkonians
The Pitch
Aliens arrive, and they hide in the attic. Kids in the house try to defend it. Ashley Tisdale struts around in revealing outfits.
The Humans
Carter Jenkins, Ashley Tisdale, Robert Hoffman, Austin Butler, Henri & Regan Young, Andy Richter, Doris Roberts, Kevin Nealon, and Tim “Courvoisier” Meadows
The Aliens
Thomas Haden Church, Josh Peck, Kari Wahlgren, and J.K. Simmons
The Nutshell
Four creatures from outer space crash land their spaceships in an old summer house. The kids in the house decide (for a reason known only to the screenwriters and observant viewers) that they will try to expunge these creatures from the house without alerting their parents or the Po-Po. Some hilarity does ensue, but not in regards to the aliens (who are recognizably Critter-like in facially-constructed appearance). As the aliens try to obtain their goal of finding a buried device that will help in their attempt to take over the world, the kids use their toys, kiddie-weapons, and even the aliens own technology to stop them.
“What do you mean, I look like a Critter…? Oh.”
The Lowdown
I watched Aliens in the Attic with my son (8) and daughter (5), who enjoyed the movie. Of course, they laugh whenever I mention my butt, so take for what it’s worth. The movie is set up with all the basics of most evil alien movies: they are plotting to take over the world. In this movie, the children are the Earth’s only hope. In order to make the story progress, the children try to stop the aliens, while keeping their parents in the dark. Although it does keep the movie entertaining, ultimately this is a movie for kids, so you have to watch it with that in mind.
The most amusing part of the movie revolves around this tech that allows the aliens to control the victim with a well placed dart into the back of the neck, Invaders from Mars-style. Then by using a controller and a headset, they take control of the victim. They manipulate and speak through them, basically turning them into a human video game, which leads to the best performance in the movie. Robert Hoffman, primarily a dancer in his filmography, is able to showcase his body contortions and physical discipline, Jim Carrey-style, as he is controlled at first by the aliens, and then the kids. There’s even a Street Fighter-esque scene with Hoffman vs. Doris Roberts, including a Dragon Punch from Roberts.
So, Ashley, you like movies about gladiators?
Sometimes I worry for my kids and their movie diet. Watching this kiddie-fare, my mind was transported back to my youth, where the most memorable science fiction movies I saw weren’t filled with victorious children or played for laughs. Invasion of the Body Snatchers, War of the Worlds, the aforementioned Invaders from Mars, and Day of the Triffids were unforgettable classics that did what they were supposed to do: scare the shit out of me. As I watched Aliens in the Attic with my son, I saw a formulaic, dull, children’s action movie that I found watchable and somewhat entertaining, but in the end lacking.
I couldn’t help but dissect this as I watched it. Every character is a stereotype. See if these main characters sound familiar:
• Intelligent Kid who struggles with being uncool for being too smart
• Tough Kid who makes fun of Smart Kid, until Smart Kid proves himself
• Twin Kids who communicate together as if they have a psychic bond
• Cute Little Kid with sock monkey and wants to tell on everyone
• Hot Teenage Kid who is in puppy love with new boyfriend
• Deceitful Boyfriend Kid who wants to bone Hot Teenage Kid
• Parents who are oblivious to everything going on
• Policeman who is too dumb to realize what’s going on
When you’ve seen enough movies, and the opening of the film introduces these characters, you know you’re going to be in for a monotonous time. And to add to this, the aliens are not interesting in the slightest. They run around advancing the story, but nothing about them is funny, cute, or memorable.
This is what it feels like to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.
Other than the hijinks with the body controller, the movie hits all the same ol’ beats, and leaves you rushing to update your Netflix queue with some of those old classics. Don’t get me wrong, Aliens in the Attic is entertaining enough to watch with an 8-10 year old. Just make sure you supplement your child’s film diet with classic alternatives to go with this feeble snack.
The Richters try to inject some old-fashioned Body Snatcher fright into this film. It doesn’t help.
The Extras
Aliens in the Attic has the usual assortment of extras: a gag reel, a dossier on the Aliens, and previews. Included in the extras is a fluff piece on Ashley Tisdale, and her experiences on set from her point of view. You can tell how important Tisdale is to the production, as everyone is fawning over her. The movie even starts with a personal introduction from her.
Actually, he looks more like a Munchie. Come on, man, get your 80's Post-Gremlins-Tiny-Creature-Glut characters straight!
Believe it or not you can actually FORCE studios to make quality children's entertainment. Know how? Don't see terrible movies like Aliens in the Attic! Yes, I have a kid, and I would never intentionally put this crap in front of his eyeballs. (At my kids school, they played Snow Dogs as a treat. Seems more like punishment to me.) If we all pay to take our kids to quality kids movies like Coraline (fantastic!), and avoid the Aliens in the Attics like the plague, the studios will put more effort into backing quality kids movies. Honestly, if Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Third Installmunk earned 1 million dollars at domestic box office on opening weekend because parents refused to show that crap to their kids, you think they'll make another? No. No, they won't…..at least not for ten years when they reboot the series using live action chipmunks with cgi mouths and cast Zak Effron as Dave on his career "comeback"…..wait, why am I giving Hollywood ideas?
Nice try, maniACK. They've been making crappy kids movies forever. There's no way to stop it, just lke there's no way to stop them from making crappy movies for adults. And regarding your child: how would they learn what a good movie is if they have nothing to compare it against? Every film fan, young or old, needs to watch good and bad films to help them differentiate which is which. Or else you get a snob. You don't want to raise a snob, do you?
Chris, yes, they've been making crappy kids movies forever, but that's because people keep paying to see them. It's why there are, I believe, 19(!) Land Before Time DVD movies (The first was good, though). However, I'm sure you're right, and they'll always make crappy kids movies no matter what. So be it. Having said that when you watch one, don't complain how you "worry for my kids and their movie diet" when you're the one feeding it to them. That's irritating as hell. It's like the moms I overhear at the video store saying, "I wish my kids didn't watch such violent movies" as she rents them a copy of Saw XIII. If you don't like what your kids are watching, don't let them watch it. We are the parents, after all. Additionally, just because I chose to skip watching Paul Blart, I don't think it makes me a snob. Or in other words if I see a dog shit on the sidewalk, and I don't give it a lick just to see if maybe THIS one will actually be chocolate, does that make me a shit snob? (Actually, I guess it would.) Anyone who watches a lot of movies gets a sixth sense about what may be enjoyable and what is just trash. There is a subtle difference between what makes Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008) an enjoyable kids movie, and Shorts a piece of garbage. Both are in-your-face kids action flicks, but only Journey is actually good. That's why I said I "never INTENTIONALLY put this crap in front of his eyeballs". Why would I waste time watching something that is obviously garbage (College Road Trip) when, at the very least, we could watch something that could go either way (Enchanted). At least, then if it's good (Enchanted), we're pleasently surprised. If it's not good (Shorts), try, try again. Now, my personal policy for watching movies for adults is practically opposite than that of watching kids movies, and I'm sure it's hypocritical, but I don't give a damn. I'll watch almost anything as long as it's not Date/Epic/Scary/Superhero/Dance/Shit Movie/Flick. Hot Tub Time Machine? I'm there. I also let a lot more movies slide by on something like "cheese" (The Spirit) than most people do. The difference is that bad kids movies are insulting. They assume that your kid is a dumbass, and they'll laugh at anything. A good kids movie at least makes an effort to not be the lowest common denominator. Some adult movies think you're a dumbass, too (Night at the Roxbury), and are utter shite, but most adult bad movies start out with the best intentions, and you can sense those intentions on the screen (most Schwarzenegger movies) even if the movie isn't actually all that good. Sorry about the long winded rant. I hope that made something resembling sense. Looking over what I typed, I guess I WOULD call myself a movie snob, too, but only when it comes to kids movies. I just think kids deserve better than Aliens in the Attic. They don't have as many choices as us grownups. I'll end with a quote from a not-considered-to-be-so-great movie that I love. Can you guess it? Later. "So you want to be a farmer? Here's a couple of achers!"