Back in 2006, my friend Dan got us both tickets to a weird little show playing at The Vanguard Hollywood here in Los Angeles. It was called Rock of Ages, and I was mostly interested in seeing it because it was co-starring Tenacious D’s Kyle Gass in a rare non-Jack Black related project. Plus I could walk to the venue (which increases the likelihood that I’ll do anything). The ode-to-parody of both 80’s rock and movies about bands – about employees trying to save their bar by staging a big rock show – frankly blew my mind. It certainly didn’t hurt that they were serving booze, but the show was both funnier, cleverer, and more rockin’ that I had expected. It was a gas, as the cool kids say. Rock of Ages played for several weeks, then disappeared, existing solely as something Dan and I would reminisce about from time to time. One thing Dan and I agreed on – someone should make that shit into a movie.

Then in late 2008 the musical suddenly re-appeared as an off-Broadway smash starring American Idol creeper Constantine Maroulis. Then it promptly moved to Broadway and became an even bigger smash. Tony Awards were won. So, of course, now we’re finally getting that movie.

The musical was created by Chris D’Arienzo, who just made his film debut last year with the so-so Barry Munday, and features a greatest hits of existing songs from the likes of Styx, Journey, Bon Jovi, Pat Benatar, Twisted Sister, Steve Perry, Poison and Asia. The film will likely be directed by Adam Shankman (of course), and it is slowly assembling a cast. Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand are said to be circling parts, but the big news coming from THR is that…

Tom Cruise has closed a deal to play the pivotal role of Stacee Jaxx, the famous rock star that our heroes are trying to get to perform at their bar. Chris Hardwick played the role when I saw it back in 2006, and if the part has remained the same, Cruise is going to end up singing a lot. Everything from Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” to Styx’s “Renegade.” So what do Mr. Cruise’s pipes sound like these days? Well, let’s just take a look…