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PLATFORM: XBox 360 (reviewed), PS3, , WiiU, PC
PRICE: $59.99
ESRB RATING: M
DEVELOPER: Gearbox Software/Nerve Software/Timegate Studios/Demiurge Studios
PUBLISHER: Sega
It was doomed from the start.
When you believe that the Marines in Aliens are the reason Aliens was great, you have failed. When you release a space marine shooter in 2013 based on the first space marine archetype, you have failed. When your only ideas stem from nostalgia and nothing else, you have failed. And oh sweet Jesus, Aliens: Colonial Marines is a failure.
These are more than the hallmarks of a bad game, and at this point, the stank off this game now doth offend the angels. The Alien vs Predator game Sega did a couple years back was a bad game, but one that at least had its moments, a few stray good ideas. No, Aliens: Colonial Marines is another thing, one that I didn’t expect till I got there. And that thing is a goddamned insult.
It’s typically not really fair to judge a game based on PR hype and interviews, especially when the game does bad enough all by itself, being full of lazy AI, unsatisfyingly linear FPS corridor design, PS2 graphics, piss-poor weapon physics, glitches from end to end, half the time spent shooting faceless armored grunts, NOT Xenomorphs, and generally unpleasant, unfocused, BORING gameplay. There’s not much to pick off the carcass in terms of being an experience. It’s just shit in that department. I can live with a game being shit. A shit game is something you can acknowledge the existence of, take a long verbal piss on, and go back to your bowl of Cheerios. When a game takes something classic and takes its slow time sidling up its shitty game horse, only to trample it to death and think it’s done the world any favors for existing, it deserves any and everything terrible to happen to it.
A lot of work was done to maintain authenticity for this game to tie it into the Aliens/Alien 3 mythos in a meaningful way, something that was touted as THE reason to trust that the game was in good hands. What we got was a game where Hadley’s Hope went through a nuclear blast 40 kilometers wide, and just ended up looking like Project X happened in there. We got a game where the developers got the chance to visit Ridley Scott during the making of Prometheus, and all they seemed to have gleamed from it is that the Weyland family is full o’ dickbags, something we knew already back in 1986. We got a game where (SPOILERS, I SUPPOSE) Hicks somehow woke up in cryosleep, remained on the Sulaco, substituted J. Random Corpsebody to go die in his place when the escape pod crashed on Fury 161. JUST so Hicks could live, and be in this game. ((END SPOILERS) This is what 6 years of development wrought. 6 years.
And by the by, there’s a good portion of you that have no business groaning about that last bit. Countless conversations have been had about Hicks being dead being the worst part of Alien 3. Any and all attempts to suggest that Hicks and Newt being dead are powerful ways to separate all hope from Ripley have been met with disappointed grumbling. Well, he’s alive. Enjoy, fanfiction.net.
Therein lies the ultimate irony of Colonial Marines, though. On paper, it is everything a large portion of fans have ever wanted out of this franchise: More guns. More balls-out military grandstanding. Oh, by the way, every once in a while, an acid-bleeding cockroach pops out. What the makers of Colonial Marines ultimately believe is that a lot of fans of this series have low standards, that handing us a down-to-the-last-inch accurate pulse rifle, snippets of Horner’s score, and some updated military lingo surrounding a paper thin same shit/different day Weyland-Yutani conspiracy equates instant greatness. Everybody wants to play as Hudson, Hicks, Vasquez, with Apone growling in their headsets, forgetting the crux of the film being about the ultimates in human badassery not standing a fucking chance.
Fuck that. This is why smart film fans know deep down Alien is the best film in the series. This is why there’s nothing to thematically pick at from Aliens at this point, meanwhile, thoughtful revisits have been smiling upon Alien 3 since the Quadrilogy workprint cut came out. This is ultimately why Alien Resurrection was always going to be a piece of shit, and no, Whedon’s original script doesn’t do THAT much to change that. This is why, despite generally negative reception, Prometheus was the talk of the summer. The Xenomorph Saga has always been a platform by which other human horrors can hang their hat. Even if this had been the game intended from the start, something akin to a Dead Space 3 situation–solid action gameplay, surrounding a big Nothing of a story–we’d still be faced with a game that took absolutely zero advantage of the freedom afforded. It’s this generation’s Path of Neo. It’s a fucking waste.
Rating:
out of 5
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10 comments
More of a rant than a review, but you know what? Thats exactly what was needed for CHUD’s take on this game, the perspective from a fan of the movies showing why this game went wrong in both concept and execution; enough negative reviews out there, this here is why the game has been vilified so much; because while a game can be mediocre as a game, a mediocre licensed game that fails to deliver to the fanbase its trying to please ends up being far worse for it.*
Bravo, Justin.
*I still plan on playing this one day, to truly see ho much went wrong with it…and why the DS Colonial Marines is pretty much the only game that nails what an Aliens game should be like.
“…the crux of the film being about the ultimates in human badassery not standing a fucking chance.”
…is exactly why I personally prefer Aliens over Alien. I love Alien as the ultimate sci-fi haunted house story that it is, but I fucking love horrific siege movies where shit is dire and dreadful to a nihilistic degree (The Thing, Night of the Living Dead, you-name-it). But yeah, I rewatch Alien just a tad more than i do Aliens.
I was hoping for gameplay just like that: allies that you depend on, feeling the loss when they ate it. Hilariously low ammo/health refils, etc etc etc.
After feeling the hype of following it’s development for years, I thank you for your sobering review.
Also, nothing you said in your review didn’t have as much impact as invoking Path of Neo to getting your point across. Holy shit.
That’s just what I needed after playing through this trash. I actually got to a certain point and simply stopped firing my weapon, instead just rushing through the maps with great ease. Terrible.
One thing though, I wouldn’t say Prometheus was negatively received. Everywhere that I can find which has a voting poll the film is still posting the best critical/ public reaction for an Alien related film in decades (mixed/positive).
To be fair though, sites with those kinds of polls aren’t sites that the general moviegoing public go to. My dad, who was really looking forward to a straight “Alien” film, was disappointed, but he didn’t go poking around the internet to find a poll that he could vote “didn’t like” on. I was kind of bummed on my first viewing of “Prometheus”, but liked it better on a second viewing when watching it as it’s own thing and not strictly as an “Alien” film, and I might like it even more if it actually goes somewhere and gets a sequel. I don’t think a lot of the casual viewers that felt burned would see a “Prometheus 2” though if there isn’t a guarantee of more “Alien” action. Oh jeez, how fucking boring would a “Prometheus” video game be though?
Prometheus, a Telltale game
You have discovered an alien cave that contains oxygen. Ignoring the possibility of alien microorganisms. Do you want to….
“press A to take off your helmet, or press B to smoke weed through your helmet?”
It could very well be the first sci-fi action game where you complete your mission and win by doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, because nearly every decision a character makes in the film is the opposite of what a sane person would do. I’m not sure if it would make a better RPG, or if it would work better as a FPS-style game where you’re armed only with a stick that you can poke things with.
” a game can be mediocre as a game, a mediocre licensed game that fails to deliver to the fanbase its trying to please ends up being far worse for it” – perfection
But even on franchise based websites such as AvPGalaxy the film has still posted a generally favourable response from the fanbase within. It certainly a mixed bag and there are certainly those that do not like it (and with reason), but I wouldn’t describe the overall response as negative from any particular angle (fan base/ critical/ general public).
Sorry, My mistake. In my haste to reply I misread your point regarding the general movie going public.
Even so the rest of my point still stands. Everywhere that provides a gauge for the reception of the movie going public shows an overall positive reaction towards the film. Whether it be the initial cinemascore (B), the Rotten Tomato audience poll (72%) or critical reception (73%/ 6.9), IMDB (7.2) or select franchise fansites. The response is most certainly positive, at least in terms of what we have to gauge the general response beyond anecdotal evidence.
In terms of what the box office tells us, though the sales in the US were somewhat front heavy, elsewhere in the world Prometheus went on to enjoy prolonged success. Box Office Mojo provides figures that indicate the film often tripled it’s initial opening weekend, which is often a signal of word of mouth or returning punters. However it did not quite have this return in North America.
I share a very similar opinion of the film as yourself. It certainly flawed and aspects of it have still left me feeling bitterly disappointed but I enjoyed the experience, some of the characters and a few of the sub-plots/ themes. It just didn’t quite come together but has provided some great material for movie discussions since.
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