What
follows is a scattershot bit of random thoughts, links, and images that
showcase the lunacy that exists in the entertainment world and beyond.
Folks who remember my old missives from the old Steady Leak articles
should find this kind of stuff familiar. Folks seemed to get a kick out
of the first installment, and each Wednesday should fall victim to
another installment. Don’t expect anything deep here but something may
tickle your fancy.
1. Acura’s New Model, The 25L Rednek-G.
If you can afford an Acura you can afford muffler repairs. Even in this economy. Unless you’re Charles M. Loudness himself, and then please accept my apology. We wouldn’t want you barking around town in your sweet ride sending your signature concussive sonic booms with anything less than a shit-bad muff.
2. If I had not just bought one-third of Arbor Day…
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
Not Halloween ITEMS. Halloween. If I had more cash on me I’d have bought the whole fucking thing and laughed as you and your kids walked around looking dumb asking for candy that wasn’t there. Trick or go fuck yourself. Also, the International symbol for Halloween is apparently a flounder doing a handstand with a bullet hole in his torso. Sadness.
3. Curb Your Dawg.
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
“I love the Georgia Bulldogs SO MUCH! More than you Susanne, and much more than the kids!”
“Just make sure not to do it on a Saturday! I’ll be tailgating, if you know what I mean…”
“What more is there I can do to profess my love for this football team? Something that not only I can enjoy, but chipmunks, insects, and Edward Norton’s racism victims?”
“EUREKA!”
4. Such a better read than Pretty Great Gay Sex.
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
Because, why go for anything less than this for your gay sex literature needs? Luckily, I kept my receipts for Gay Sex for Dummies, The Bruce and Jeff Bible, Spectacular Gay Sex, The Untold Tales of Gay Sex, Gay Sex vs. The Avengers, and The Penultimate Gay Sex.
5. Not the Bunn Wipes I needed.
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
This shit works! I had Pam Grier over for some wet push-ups and there’s nary a trace she ever stopped by.
6. Emaciated Scarfboy seeks SW Twilight F for Dinner NEVERMORE.
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
There is no instance in modern society where a boy should have a scarf on in 75-degree weather unless his name is Chamber or if it’s a tourniquet that is preventing VicMorrowism. Also, eat something. SCARF UP YOUR FOOD. Also, don’t listen to whatever music you listen to. The Kicker: His girlfriend showed up a few minutes later in a Twilight t-shirt. There’s already no God, but now I’m pretty sure there’s at least 11 Satans.
7. Wursty!
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
“Honey, remember how cute you think it is when I say that I’m fursty instead of thirsty?”
“Remember the time I waited in line on Black Friday and I sent you a page that read “fursty!”?
“Remember that time my name became Fursty Sanderson-Fursty when we married?”
8. Bjorn Morgue.
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
I went to see Ace of Base in their home arena last week.
9. I go to the Bahamas to wash my balls.
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
They are very specific about hygiene in the Bahamas.
10. “I’ve come to take your life… ooooooooh is that Louis Vuitton!”
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
Buy one Flaming Grim Reaper, get one Ultimate Gay Sex for half price.
11. No wonder my car handles jittery.
Photo by Nick Nunziata.
The gas shortage is one thing but this is ridiculous.
By the way:
“I dressed as a clown for Thanksgiving!”
9 comments
"There's already no God, but now I'm pretty sure there's at least 11 Satans." – quote of the year.
"No wonder my car handles jittery."
That is just funny….
Edward Norton's racism victims! List of Dumb is seriously the highlight of my week!
"The Bruce and Jeff Bible." Is that a Ween reference, or just a "BJ" one?
Emmm thats not a scarf its a bandana. Just you know the opinion of someone a bit younger and whos mother doesn't dress him. I jest though, good article.
Umm . . I know it's hard to bring the funny all the time, and if I was sitting in the car with you listening to your observational humor, it might be more funny.
SHITBALLNESS . . . is the one word, that sums up the one review (Twilight), that keeps me coming back here. Vanity plates? fucking lame, including vanity anything. The kid with the scarf? eh . too tame. Give me a good rant against all these Famous Stars and Straps/ sideways caps idiots from the 909. Although I see styles like that and whatever the kid with the scarf is doing as kind of like the long fiberglass antennas with bright orange flags attached to off-road vehicles to warn people that dumb dumbs are in the area. Vice magazine used to crack me up with the fashion do's and dont's.
I sum this up in one quote
"Trick or go fuck yourself"
Priceless
Nick, you suck and so does this site.
Eat a bag of dicks and choke to death on them.
Nick, don't you DARE ever get rid of the "retarded vampire" quotes. They priceless, mang.
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