BUY IT FROM AMAZON: RIGHT HERE!
PLATFORM: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3, PC
ESRB RATING: M
DEVELOPERS: 3D Realms, Triptych Games, Gearbox Software
PUBLISHER: 2K Games
What is there to say about Duke Nukem Forever that hasn’t been said before? The game has been a butt of countless jokes, the story a scary cautionary tale of what happens when you don’t know when to stop working or stick to a schedule. 15 years later the sequel to one of the most acclaimed first person shooters of all time is finally out, but the years have not been kind. They’ve been downright cruel.
Duke Nukem Forever is the worst kind of disaster- the one you saw coming. We all knew the implications of all these delays but a lot of you will buy the game hoping against hope that Gearbox somehow managed to salvage it, even if you know in your hearts that they didn’t. But it would be wrong to blame them- they knew people would buy this one no matter what. It just doesn’t change the fact that this is a game that should never have been released. If it were simply more of the same from Duke Nukem 3D, it would still be a great game. Antiquated, sure, but you can still pick up Duke Nukem 3D today and have a blast with its clever level design, fun combat and humor. But with Forever we’ve got a game that’s riddled with graphical bugs, full of horrific loading screens, crammed with boring enemies and weapons and bosses… and it’s not even funny.
This is the funniest moment.
THE PITCH
Duke Nukem is a world-renowned hero for saving the Earth from the alien menace 15 years ago. Since then he’s basically become the emperor of Vegas, opening hotels, strip clubs and even burger joints, all bearing his name and likeness. When aliens land in Vegas and invade his suite on the 69th floor of his hotel and steal his lesbian schoolgirl babes the Holsum Twins, he’s pissed and ready to kick alien ass.
That last sentence should give you an idea of the timely humor you’re going to find here.
THE PLAY
The very first level is a remake of the last football stadium level from Duke Nukem 3D, and it’s telling that the original was much more exciting. You’ll know things are bad when you first get your hands on it and see how it controls, and that’s likely why they haven’t released the demo to the general public yet. You’ve got the usual array of modern first person shooter controls- click the left stick to run, shoot with the right trigger, aim with the left, but there’s no iron sights for aiming- the screen simply zooms in. It’s the first indication that you’ll get that this game hasn’t been updated to the extent it should have been.
The same aliens Duke has always fought show up again to get blasted away one by one, pig cops and psychic octopi and whatever those guys with jet packs are. There’s no real variety here- you’ve seen them all before and you’ll see them all quite early in this game and see no further variety. The only new foes are some of the giant bosses, massive creatures with health bars that need to be whittled down before they’re susceptible to a QTE that will kill them for good- one of the many new additions that would have been smarter to leave out of the game.
Duke’s weapons are all the same as well, shrink rays and the three-barreled machinegun and the like, but they have been gimped considerably. Thanks to Halo’s influence Duke can only carry two weapons at a time instead of an entire arsenal of weaponry. The tiny maximum ammo counts for the weapons force you to hunt for ammo or new weapons every two to three clips as well, the RPG holding a mere five rockets rather than the 50 you could load into that monster in Duke Nukem 3D. It’s emblematic of the problem with this game- it’s supposed to be over the top but they don’t really let you play like you’d want to. Sure, you’ll only face a few enemies at a time here (engine not up to snuff?) but why should Duke have to conserve ammo?
Another gripe are the trip-wires. In the last game you could place them on any surface you wanted and set traps- this time they’re thrown like a grenade and can end up anywhere, pointing in any direction. “Lack of direction” is a phrase that that will frequently come to mind while playing this game.
The interaction with the world has been mostly kept the same, but of course it’s not as special now. You can pee in toilets, shoot pool, play pinball, throw a paper airplane and play with all kinds of little objects on the way, and the game actually encourages it with the Ego meter. Interacting with stuff (like looking in a mirror) will increase your Ego meter, which works as a rechargeable shield for Duke. Get shot enough to deplete it and your screen will turn the usual bloody red and you’ll have to find cover somewhere so it recharges. Perhaps sticking with health packs would have been preferable, because enemies can (and do) kill you without warning- it seems that just a few explosives will kill you and send you into one of those interminable loading screens. The bosses are even more cheap.
But while the majority of the game sees you going down repetitive environments killing enemies, once in a long while though you come across a level that contains a clever puzzle or two of the sort that you simply never see these days and wish that they could have kept this up for the entire game. For instance, there’s a great sequence where miniaturized Duke has to navigate his way through a kitchen, fighting off Duke-sized rats, hiding from giant enemies behind cans of soup and using spatulas for trampolines. The platforming sequences are actually implemented quite well- a rarity for a first person shooter. But you’ve soon have figured out the simple puzzles and are on to the same action with the same enemies and then get killed to endure a minute-long loading screen to the next level and you wonder what you did to deserve this.
The funny thing is that you can see where all of the influence comes from. Half-Life obviously threw them for a loop and make them try for a more cinematic experience (as well as try some physics puzzles), and Halo was an influence on the weapons system and vehicle sections. But in trying to be everything Duke has forgotten what he was good at in the first place.
THE PRESENTATION
Ugly graphics and character models, repetitive music, same annoying Duke quotes. He still doesn’t have a single original line, and in fact most of them are repeated from the last game- you’ll hear the same Evil Dead, They Live and Pulp Fiction quotes over and over. The new ones are nothing special, unless you find it hysterical when he yells “You my boy blue!”
The constant slowdown doesn’t help things. Hell, the fucking cinema on boot-up sometimes has slowdown. Loading screens can suck up 30 seconds to a minute of your time whenever you enter a new area or die, so keep some reading material on hand lest you completely waste your life.
THE REPLAY
You’ll never play this again, if you even make it through it once. It’ll take you ten to twelve hours to get through it, normally a nice size for a single-player campaign but in this case just even more torture.
The multiplayer is… actually somewhat fun. It’s nothing to drag you away from your first-person shooter du jour, or even better than the frantic Duke Nukem 3D multiplayer (that’s still quite alive and kicking on Xbox Live), but the matches are actually playable, way more so than the single player campaign. Plus, the jetpacks that don’t show up in single player show up here! It has an XP system that allows you to buy new clothes and crap for Duke to wear as you level up (as well as items that appear in a Duke museum) but likely you won’t put much time into this.
THE VERDICT
If this game had come out in 1998 as originally planned it still would have been a massive disappointment. If I wasn’t reviewing this game, I wouldn’t have finished it.
In the years it’s been in development games like Serious Sam and Bulletstorm have taken the style and improved upon it, making Duke feel even more antiquated than he is. It almost feels quaint when Duke talks about his babes and looks at pornos on tv now- an old man reminiscing on his glory days when the new kids have come in and done things better.
This is no country for old Duke.
Rating: 
Out of a Possible 5 Stars
13 comments
I’m picking it up despite all the negative press, because it’s Duke and I don’t expect a groundbreaking experience. It’s that movie I see with extremely low expectations and still end up finding watchable. I expect to enjoy it, warts and all. Plus I’m getting it for PC- I hear the console versions are terrible. Not that the PC version will be leagues better….
The lack of ammo, weapons carrying ability and killability seems to run contrary to everything Duke is about….and this is the “fixed” version. Holy shit.
Loads in microseconds on my rig, and she’s an old one. No graphical bugs either; I’ve read about the reviewer’s probs elsewhere so perhaps the 360 port is to blame. All the same, movement is stiff and strangely “console-y” even with a mouse/keyboard. Inventory restrictions suck ass.
The sexism is less appallingly funny than . . . just plain creepy: one of the very first “gags” is Duke getting a double bj from young girls in catholic school uniforms. Yucky.
Everybody will fall over themselves to pan this one – even though it’s really no less idiotic and formulaic than “tough space marines fighting aliens” version 345 and “realistic squad shooter ripped from today’s terrorism headlines” # 125.
For my 2c, I just think the formula no longer fits the style; there is a disconnect between the “realistic” engine and the dumb violence. It just feel wrong to kill a shaded, bump-mapped, skeletal-animated mob with a dumbell – the game DUKE NUKEM most closely looks like is PREY and cartoony action does no go with that level of shiny. It’s like a Micheal Bay movie shot by Sven Nykvist: two great tastes that don’t go together. Okay, maybe only one great taste but you get the idea.
Yes, but those generic-ass games DO get panned. Homefront was not granted any favors, nor did it deserve any.
The reason you’ll hear so much about Duke is that it’s Duke. 14 goddamn years, man! Of course everyone is going to talk about it. Most of those shitty, generic shooters don’t have the pedigree, the history, the cache that DNF has and thus are quickly brushed under the rug. If this Duke fellow were, say, Matt Hazard, then he would show up and be quickly forgotten.
After playing 2 hours of the PC version, I can safely say this game isn’t all that bad. They constantly re-use NPC character models, there’s some sluggishness here and there, and the weapons don’t quite feel right….shooting is kinda unbalanced. But it’s playable and it’s dumb fun, and maybe i’ll cop to the fact that they shouldn’t have charged 60 bucks for it, but in the end…i’ve played way worse games. Are the one-liners a little stale? Yeah, sure. But I love hearing them because it takes me back to playing Duke 3d as a wet behind the FPS ears 12 year old. Games have come so damn far since then, and that’s this game’s crime; it’s stuck in that era. For me it’s a solid 3 stars or so….I couldn’t really hate a game that CLEARLY never aimed higher than being its predecessor with better graphics.
Queen Bitch defeated (says I’m about 20% into the game) and I am the only one to have heard a whole bunch of new one-liners? At least a dozen I’ve not heard before. Also: out on the town, the game got better. I mean a WHOLE LOT better: lots of “half-life-y” environment puzzles, nice production design in the Duke Bowl, fun finishes including some boss “Humiliate” end moves.
I won’t even try to argue about whether DUKE FOREVER is “old school” or “behind the times” and simply say that I’d rather experience the last 3 hours again than load up MODERN WARFARE #whatever. Or GEARS OF WAR.
One more thing: those of us who cut our teeth on DUKE 3D will appreciate both the faithfulness of this one to its roots and a strong flair of the Levelord. If, like me, you were chagrined that Ritual couldn’t fulfill the potential of SiN EPISODES, this sucker is it.
It’s nowhere near as good as its predecessor, though.
And since when is not aiming high an understandable goal?
C’mon, the Half Life environmental puzzles are enough to make the game better for you? Half Life came out in 1998, man. There’s nothing here that hasn’t been done before better, countless times, years ago. I wouldn’t argue that FOREVER is old school or behind the times, I’d argue that it’s a mess.
Also Gears of War might be equally stupid, but at least it’s fun.
Alright, take it easy. It’s not personal or anything 🙂
I cannot argue with your final point: “fun” is different to each of us. Millions of people apparently find the TRANSFORMERS movies to contain “fun”, ditto the TWILIGHT books. Okay, I’m being unfair. Let me hit a not-so-soft target: the JJ Abrams STAR TREK. Fun, right? I caught it on home video and started answering my emails about 1/2 way through; bored now. To each his own, yes?
I know full well when HALF-LIFE came out ’cause I played the leaked DAY ONE and was at the store on launch day. I tried running that sucker on a Pentium 166 and let me tell ya, it wasn’t pretty! In any case, I expected the reader would know I was referring to HALF-LIFE 2, entirely my fault that.
HOWEVER, the age of the game should matter why? Help me understand, if you will. No one says “Man takes revenge on his wife and her lover? Dude: that’s from the ancient Greeks! That came out in 2000 BC!”
An idea or concept isn’t bad because it’s old. I’m not being facetious: over and over I read this argument of old=no longer valid, as if that was the whole of the point. In fact, some criticism leveled at DUKE 4EVER (some in your own piece) is that it incorporates *new* ideas! (regenerating shield, limited weapons) I think the point is to have gaming mechanisms that are appropriate, yes? The age of the trope is irrelevant such as, say, platform jumping – that’s been around since DONKEY KONG!
As far as it being “a mess” – I honestly don’t see it. Admittedly I have a very large blind spot since I still play DUKE 3D to this day (with the HDR packs). But how exactly is it messy? It’s coherent from map to map, it runs fine on my rig (I’m sure the Xbox version is fubared, I’ve read about many problems there), it’s inventive – if not innovative – and well, I hate to say it, but it’s fun!
I know you’re probably busy but lemme know if you get a chance . . .
Well, it’s obvious that the PC version was the focus here. The console versions have bugs that it doesn’t- apparently the loading and graphical glitches are kept to a minimum on there.
In which case maybe it is more playable online on PC, but I’d still argue that the level design is subpar to anything seen in Duke 3D. The levels are small, you spend most of the time walking down blank corridors until you get to a bigger area and face a few enemies at a time. The parts that do somewhat work have been ripped off superior games.
The age most definitely doesn’t matter, as a good game will always stand up on its own, but there’s nothing here that really stands out. I don’t see anything inventive about the game, it’s a hodgepodge of things that worked in other games but doesn’t quite gel here. Even the humor feels forced this time.
(Also not taking this personally, appreciate the argument!)
Yeah, I knew I was reading ageism into your comments, considering your avatar and all . . . (one of the best gaming experiences I’ve had, that)
“Walking down black corridors” that was BIOSHOCK wasn’t it? Har-har. (I loved BIO, btw, merely disappointed wit it) Honestly though: the driving sequences in Lady Killer kept that fairly minimal, the Duke Bowl is a large area up to the bowels, the main sequence in Duke Burger takes place in one large room that needs to be negotiated in all three dimensions: in fact, didn’t you find that DUKE 4EVER has a greater sense of height than a great many shooters?
It’s no BLOOD or anything but . . .
Every game of this type (where you are fundamentally running and gunning towards an exit) needs to propel the gamer forward: in HALF-LIFE its those goddamn ducts; in H-L2 it’s channels, canyons, roads; PREY is almost all corridors. I don’t think this game would benefit from “open ended” maps like those in CRYSIS or FAR CRY2 which have, in any case, the opposite problem: they play like a billiards table.
I agree we’ve seen Duke’s tricks a few times but shouldn’t they get the same free pass as other games? MASS EFFECT has the very same “shoot from cover – regen shield” as GEARS, CoD and, yes, DUKE4. And speaking of frakking *boring* maps: for my $$$ it took OVERLORD for MASS EFFECT2 to become interesting map-wise.
I’ll say this: both DUKE4 and SiN:EMERGENCE (I’ve been thinking about those two games and their similar pedigree a lot) seemed to incur wrath for trying too many things because “they’ve been done before”, whereas bland-as-dishwater titles like HALO receive heaps of praise. I honestly do not get it.
It’s no NO ONE LIVES FOREVER but DUKE4 is not getting the props it deserves. And the opposite elevation of recycled tripe (I’m looking at you MODERN WARFARE) gets a softball throw.
At least MW2 can ape itself and still be interesting.
Comments are shown as archived from the original site; new comments are closed.