32 posts
TheraFlu. NyQuil. Airborne. Ricola. Cold-Eeze. Herbal tea. Monkey penis. Luden's. Robitussin and Tylenol PM. I've ingested all of these medicines, lozenges, drinks and voodoo cures all within the past week because I've been trudging along in a hallucinatory… Continue reading
Robin Williams played one. As did Matt Dillon, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci, Nick Nolte and Samuel L. Jackson. The same goes for Liam Neeson. And Will Smith. Even Alice Cooper. Yep. They all played bums. When I was fifteen, I had a profound, life-altering… Continue reading
Coldplay is a wildly popular band that composes bland, boring and ear-punishing music that makes me yearn for the nut-crushing sonic maelstrom of Hootie and the Blowfish and the dick-shredding death-punch of The Spin Doctors. Somehow, Coldplay has cultivated… Continue reading
Every now and again I'll wake up sweating and screaming due to intense night terrors. Usually, I end up inadvertently kicking the transvestite and/or my Mom out of the bed. Like many people, I have several recurring nightmares that tear through my REM-infused… Continue reading
So, the other night I was watching David Lynch's Wild At Heart and was sent into an intense state of inebriated giggles that nearly made me topple off the toilet seat. The reason I was laughing was due to the batshit-insane cameo appearance by Crispin Glover.… Continue reading
So, the other night I began digging around my closet for my Flowbie (a genius product that attaches to a vacuum cleaner and magically cuts your hair) and for some reason or another, couldn't find the damn thing. Anyway, what I did find was even more magical;… Continue reading
I love baseball. It's pretty much the only sport I enjoy. Well, that and dwarf tossing. But my interest in dwarf tossing has kind of dissipated ever since I accidentally ingested a cocktail of creatine, psyllium husk and some kind of monkey tranquilizer and… Continue reading
So, the other day I dragged my untoned ass cheeks to one of the million Best Buy stores here in San Diego and was surprised to see several employees hovering around the entrance like a bunch of blue dingle-berries. I managed to maneuver past them and saddle… Continue reading
